Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
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Top comments
crazytwinsmom 25
Ex girlfriend I hope!
speckledots 29
Damn. BTW. You aren't supposed to "suck" on anything. Unless you want a dry socket.
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Comments (113)
emotac 2
Dating girls from the ghetto is often a mistake.
noncom 12
#74- thank you very much
carminecris89 13
That was a cunty thing to say. Sorry op. you should remember this when she's sick or not feeling well and wants you to comfort her.
thenewkid43 9
You should tell her to suck on this wood.
georgejoey 0
I would be single after that.
jewelia13 12
Look - what she did was callous and nasty, but there's no reason to be using gendered insults like "c*nt".
arcanesentry 14
Nor should we use such a gendered insult as "d*ck" to insult someone who is rude.
StanSmith2013 26
That is some good advice there but I'm not sure you are a huge walking ******. Maybe get some ice and pain killers then sit down and watch some TV :)
augmented 1
Put a caffeinated teabag on each side and the bleeding will go away. Great girlfriend.
Blyville 2
thats awful. you might need to rethink your relationship status
chuckcloninger 12
You mean ex-girlfriend don't you?