Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
They'll give you a free toothbrush in jail ;) Make a shiv out of it and cut your roommate when you get out.
Sinamoi 18
Unless you're Aladdin, then it's badass.
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Comments (93)
MistaKrista 8
People who say "you could spare a few dollars" have obviously never been so broke they couldn't afford necessities. I'm not sure how things work where you're from OP but here we have a salvation army and red cross that help. I'm sure you have a charity of some sort that you can go to too.
outoftown 27
#84, Thank you, MistaKrista! Seems many commenters haven't lived really broke. I also was broke at times. Fortunately, other students taught me how to live broke (likely more tips on the interwebs): Soiled toothbrush: If you have a dentist or student clinic, explain and often get one free, plus paste/floss. If not: clean off everthing you can see, then boil it for at least 10 minutes, completely immersed. If still yucky or you have no time, use a clean terry washcloth or towel on your finger, or small twigs (clean first). Toothpaste substitutes: baking soda (with hydrogen peroxide, if available), or plain table salt. Floss substitutes: Sewing thread, toothpicks.
kasso29 11
Why did you steal it when you should have demanded your roommate get you a new one!? YDI
jennt89 10
make her buy you a new one and I'm sure there are places you can go to get the necessities.
mexicoman101 6
If you are going to steal, steal things you could not live without.
mariah_1_11 22
Why is it I think of the home alone scene when I read this. Congrats op, you're a criminal!!!
mehwhocares 9
You couldn't spare a dollar for a toothbrush?
xohfmlx 0
Soooooooooooo you can pay for iPhone service but not a toothbrush?
blackpolar22 0
why didnt you stop in at a dentist office and ask for one. they give them away for free.
xohfmlx 0
Soooooooooo you can afford iPhone service but not a toothbrush?
omgiculol 4
Don't you have parents, friends, family, etc that you could ask for money from?