Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
They'll give you a free toothbrush in jail ;) Make a shiv out of it and cut your roommate when you get out.
Sinamoi 18
Unless you're Aladdin, then it's badass.
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Comments (93)
Meggles33 1
dont get mad, get even- use her toothbrush to scrub the toilet and the bottom of the litter box.
Ajwc101 24
"Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush." YDI. Next time don't steal. Sorry about your toothbrush.
sierraleeannee 13
By the way, it's tongue, not tung. Referring to his profile here ;)
chey296927413 3
If I were you, I'd make your roommate buy you a new one. Or, I'd do something really nasty to his and not tell him, but laugh every time he brushes his teeth. :)
hateevryone 15
Im sure you can borrow money from someone to buy a new one.
mzrobinson 13
You can get a pack of like 4 at the dollar store! Excuses!
Bigmoneyshotz 0
That's awful I would scrub the toilet with his toothbrush then clean the litter box with his hair brush
swankmrpancake 8
It says it's a female not a male
TeddyB88 4
Lmao. Who the hell steals a toothbrush? You have officially succeeded in failing at life with that one retarded moment
rcgirl2 11
Tell your roomate to get you a new one. She could at least do that.
thatlegit 11
Tell her she owes you a new one.
BunBunBabe 8
Your roommate is an ass, if they wanted to use a toothbrush to scrub it so bad why would they use yours, not theirs?