Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML
Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML
Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom. On my way back, I found a small piece of trash in the hallway so I picked it up. It was cat poop. FML
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
Today, after my landlord has refused to fix the bathroom plumbing problem in my apartment for several days, I had to buy cat litter for myself. FML
Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML
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Top comments
CoolRainbowdash 15
That's ******* nasty
smashmaster52 0
Cook her a meal with it and leave it for her to find
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Comments (149)
CoolRainbowdash 15
That's ******* nasty
Eggers 2
drop it on her pillow for her to find. if she drops it in your bed, threaten to throw the cat out while she's away
22jrdn55 15
that's one shitty situation. #29, it's not the cats fault! OP- get your roommate some food mixed with laxatives.
Eggers 2
31- notice I didn't say "threaten to flush the cat in the toilet" which is what my brother would've done. Cats can live on the streets. They just don't live *as long* as house pets. Also considering the state of squalor it appears that cat is living in, have you thought maybe the streets are better for it?
Horcruxer 0
Egger why would you say that to coolrainbow? He's not the op.
Eggers 2
in case coolrainbow is ever in the same situation
Kukua 5
He's making a point of calling you out for replying to post 1 so your comment is on top.
Eggers 2
I'm an originalfag. That's how things were done when replying was new
Kukua 5
Well you got the fag part right...
Horcruxer 0
Yea I'm sure.
kjcookie10 9
Dump the litter box on her bed. :)
StopDropNRoll 11
-69 The litter box is clean -_-
MerrikBarbarian 9
Dumping cat on the street does not solve the problem dumb ass. It just makes it someone else's problem.
TomPusslicker 21
And to thank her for cleaning the litter box.......you should cook her a nice meal..maybe pancakes?
tjv3 10
This should read " The roommate that I kicked out"
lewk908 13
wow what a shitty situation... stupid pussy
attaboy368 20
just wait til its good and full before you dump op! hope op threw out the spatula *eww*
proski 0
Looks like someone has a potty mouth
JustinComments 3
Where does it say anything about the mouth?
Furrywhiplash 14
Better yet, where in the FML is there any foul language? Which is what the term "potty mouth" refers to.
docscientist 10
He's playing on ops disgust of shit being on cooking ware. It's a pun, whether you like it or not, suggesting that you will make food with that litter encrusted spatula which will get get on the food, and therefore in your mouth. Feces = mouth. Pottymouth.
StopDropNRoll 11
53, Quick question how does "feces = mouth. Pottymouth." make any sense? Feces + mouth = Pottymouth? Agree with the rest of it though.
Eggers 2
The best kind of joke is the one you have to sit down and explain after the punchline. Wait no it isn't.
docscientist 10
The joke was simple enough to understand, where is your hang up? 80 - don't scrutinize an 'equation' about feces too badly, I'm not planning to take home any nobel prizes for my explanation.
smashmaster52 0
Cook her a meal with it and leave it for her to find
Myzfit 0
Yeah! What evil Stewie said! xD
THE_A_TEEN 28
I think it's time to 're-edumacate' your roomate about "the effects of cleanliness" by using some brainwashing methods. Seriously, that's nasty....
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Use it to make her breakfast ;)
docscientist 10
Be sure to make grits.
qazaq 1
Disinfect, your life does not suck you can clean it in 1 minute
ILEIKGURLS 0
Make her food with it. Give her a "taste" of her own medicine. :)
MikeDa1Da 14
Why did you put " taste" in quotes...?
ILEIKGURLS 0
Now that you mention it, I don't really know! Holy ****!
Pelreskovich 11
Yumm.. Might want to buy a new spatula and keep it in a locked location before you're flipping your eggs with cat shit tomorrow.
attaboy368 20
I don't think I would leave any dishes out for the roommate to use that is a nasty roommie
GoW_Chick 15
I think you need a new roommate, maybe one who knows how to clean up after themselves, and doesn't leave vomit inducing surprises.
Pelreskovich 11
This post didn't make your mouth water GoW_Chick!?
GoW_Chick 15
Oh yes, because I just love the thought of bacon with a side of cat feces, YUMMY!
Pelreskovich 11
The truth comes out. Thought so! :)
GoW_Chick 15
Hey you never know it could be a delicacy in some third world countries, so don't hate.
Pelreskovich 11
Not hating, looking up cat shit recipes as we speak. Duh!
GoW_Chick 15
Even though we are joking about it , just the thought of eating it is making me feel sick.
Pelreskovich 11
Agreed. Conversation ended..? Lol.
GoW_Chick 15
Yes, gross conversation ended. XD
Horcruxer 0
Let me get you two a room.
Pelreskovich 11
What for..?
Horcruxer 0
Privacy
Pelreskovich 11
For..? ..I'm just not catching your drift!
rubyliu8420 7
GoW chick, u r ******* smoking hot!
DocBastard 40
Your GOOD spatula? What, is it 24-karat gold or something? A spatula costs about a buck, maybe two. Go buy a new one and stop whining. Better yet, buy two and beat the shit out of your roommate with the spare.
ILEIKGURLS 0
You could use that handy-dandy meat tenderizer for that!
PsychicToaster 0
Yes, there is a such thing as a "good" spatula. I've had plenty of cooking utensils I preferred to use over others. Try not being an imbecile. Spatulas may be cheap but the that isn't the point. The point is the OP has a nasty ass roommate and if she wasn't a disgusting person, this wouldn't be an issue. No one was whining over a spatula.
Pelreskovich 11
This comment is beyond winning.
CrazyAsian77 5
Hey Doc have you had any weird injuries involving spatulas?
Pentium_4 27
that is true doc, but i think most of the FML was the fact that it was on the kitchen counter
Eggers 2
Pentium has a point. Cat shit being on a counter can be incredibly poisonous. Like "you could develop worms and possibly go blind" poisonous.
jre89 0
Believe it or not some people don't like to cook with cheap ass cookware. I wouldn't expect a male to understand that though.
Eggers 2
40- Thats because you're a sexist idiot. My kitchen boasts some of the best cookware to date, so just sit down.
ILEIKGURLS 0
Eggers just got added to my favorite commenters...
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Wow Doc, really? Pretty damn sure when I go to the market I see a whole wall of cookware where I can clearly see which ones are better quality than the others. So yes, the OP could have a "GOOD" spatula. A one-two dollar spatula would probably break the first time you used it.
Pentium_4 27
46 - your avatar is epic
Eggers 2
Wrong 48. Cheaper ones just become flimsy when they heat. How about instead of insulting DocBastard on the grounds of guesswork, you visit a dollar store and learn what the **** you're talking about?
DocBastard 40
Jesus Christ on a snowmobile, people, it's a ******* joke. Yes I realise that "good" cookware exists. It's a joke.
GoW_Chick 15
I think this joke went *whoosh* way over everyone's head...
Pelreskovich 11
Jokes aren't allowed around here, Doc. Ambrosia will make that very clear to anyone who says one or attempts to. I hope she doesn't discipline me for saying this! ..wait, I should probably research what I just said to make sure it's correct..
GypsyRover 0
Maybe they don't have nice things in hungry where this DR. Is from. I'm guessing he might be happy with a shit covered spatula,it might go with the rest of his shit covered shit.
laden_swallow09 35
81 - Your attempt at sardonicism is shit.
thiscrazything 1
Dollar tree. You can buy one million cheap spatulas for one million dollars.
Matty1188 6
The dollar store?