Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
They'll give you a free toothbrush in jail ;) Make a shiv out of it and cut your roommate when you get out.
Sinamoi 18
Unless you're Aladdin, then it's badass.
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Comments (93)
zues70 4
Your roommate needs to buy you one...then kick your roommate out.
beachyballerina 12
I'm so sorry, things will get better for you
Forest_Berry95 6
Toothbrushes are a dollar, I mean you don't have to get the best of best for a temp. brush.
DylansMomma 9
Your comment : I would have let you go if I caught you. This is so sad But stealing is stealing nonetheless and is wrong - you could always give up internet to buy a toothbrush though.. just a thought.
heart_aussie_fml 20
You roomate should be the one paying for your new toothbrush !
carminecris89 13
You should dip her tooth brush in the toilet.
DRMIKA 4
Clean the toilet with his toothbrush
Corbin_Nelson 1
Pssshh. Kevin McCallister outran the store clerks AND the cops when he shoplifted a toothbrush.
lucyricardo 5
There is no excuse for stealing. If you make an excuse to steal for even the smallest item, such as a toothbrush then you are just working your way into justifying more. Surely, you have a friend or family member who would purchase you a toothbrush. Or you call a local dentist, they would probably give you one. Worst case scenario, use your finger until payday.
cybermolly10 7
Sprinkle baking soda over the spot, pour some vinegar over it. Let it bubble, use a paper towel to get the vomit off, then vacuum to get out the rest.