Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
They'll give you a free toothbrush in jail ;) Make a shiv out of it and cut your roommate when you get out.
Sinamoi 18
Unless you're Aladdin, then it's badass.
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Comments (93)
SwaggCapone 11
ok so use hers to scrub your ass
dsl1123 8
Sorry but stealing is just wrong no matter how small the amount.
therealNickG 3
How do you afford internet if you can't even afford a toothbrush?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Um, gee. That's a monthly bill right there. So OP probably paid all their bills off only to realize there's not much left for groceries and necessities, got what they could, and then came home to realize their toothbrush had been used for that nonsense. Or, they went over to a friend's house to post this. Think, idiot.
dwilhelm 7
GET YOUR ROOMMATE TO BUY YOU A NEW ONE!! Come on, people, think!!
manda1511 5
And why didn't you make your roommate get you a new one??
daytoday21 10
Um, make your roommate buy you a new toothbrush?
chellyX92 8
And the reason why your roommate isn't buying you a toothbrush is?
mad_hatter0666 22
So why not ask your roommate to buy you a new one?
1_800smackdathoe 2
Dentists give free toothbrushes, now to get back at your roommate
kimg0885 23
I agree you should have gone to the dollar store. Next time if worse comes to worse just sell something of your roommates on Craigslist to buy your toothbrush!