Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML
Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML
Today, my friend invited me to play frisbee golf with him. On my first throw, my frisbee got stuck on a branch near the top of a very tall tree. This is why I don't do sports. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML
Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
Today, I sneaked out of work early. I tripped over my own feet while walking up to my car. As I fell, I managed to hit the panic button on my car keys, setting off my car alarm while I lay flat on the ground in the parking lot. FML
Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML
Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Try knocking them out with your house keys.
redbluegreen 41
#1: Is that really the only response you could come up with? I mean, sure the tree has wood, but it's not like it can do anything with it. When you see a tree, do you automatically think of having sex with it? Does it, I dare say, spark some of your hottest fantasies?
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Comments (164)
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Did the tree rape you as well?
redbluegreen 41
#1: Is that really the only response you could come up with? I mean, sure the tree has wood, but it's not like it can do anything with it. When you see a tree, do you automatically think of having sex with it? Does it, I dare say, spark some of your hottest fantasies?
FYLDeep 26
Maybe he was moderating FMLs recently. In that case, it wouldn't be out of the question to ask the OP if his penis fell off too. Apparently that happens quite often.
Freeze_fml 17
It's because it's a palm tree.
redbluegreen 41
It wouldn't be strange to ask every OP if their penis fell off as a response. I mean, it /is/ FML. They're bound to deserve it as well. Oh and, facepalm, OP. Facepalm.
FFML_314 12
Double facePALM!
Ali_Br_fml 33
FacePalm in the face... Ydi for throwing your keys that high anyway... Climb up the tree now & get it. Or stand outside looking up waiting for ideas on this website... or break in... (I don't claim any responsibility for damages or arrests due to the op following to this post)
ohthebloodygore 16
*facepalm* OP, you're an idiot.
ChrisSG 0
...I Lol'ed
KingDingALing 9
Hahahaha. You're all such silly gooses! :p
zp5 4
fail
blankaex 0
*Presses "So What?" button* You got your keys stuck in a palm tree. Big ******* deal. How hard is it to throw something elseup there toget it down? Y (*******) DI, OP. You just happened to toss your keys high enough into a tree and whining about it on FML. There are plenty of better stories that should've been published rather than this.
zerobahamut03 2
Didn't you see the trees in the area? Lol. Nothing a ladder or a very tall person can't get down.
ScaryyMary 14
Um... if you've ever seen a palm tree, you'd know how little sense that made. A ladder or tall person would be no help, since palm trees are like 20ft tall... Gardeners have to use special equipment to prune them and (in the case of palms that grow dates to be harvested) collect the fruit. Plus, the tree would be pretty much impossible to climb if it was in OP's yard, as pretty much everyone I know with a palm tree in their yard has a gardener who strips off the bark for safety purposes.
Sanchez2021 0
What a square!!
boatkicker 5
Actually Mary, a ladder might be helpful. There are several different species of palm tree, if OP is lucky, it's a shorter type or else a tree that's still not fully grown yet. If OP isn't lucky enough to have a short variation of palm, than I pity OP because he is an idiot and intentionally threw his keys WAY WAY above his head. I just kept hoping that OP only threw them slightly too far out of reach.
glambert1998 0
^facepalm^ dumbest move ever op.NOW CLIMB THAT TREE! u can do it op!!!!
MsBrainDamage 0
Why were you doing this anyway... just standing outside your house throwing your keys in the air sounds productive
FYLDeep 26
Try knocking them out with your house keys.
kriptonite_fml 0
lol
Ali_Br_fml 33
and if that gets stuck, use your credit card. that will work. if not, try the debit card. Don't mind the homeless man smiling behind you... He's here to help you to retrieve your goods when they fall down... Well he'll have a new car, a new home, and some money, so he's not poor or homeless anymore. op, I guess you better start looking for a new place. (I'm on my iPod, so excuse my neglect of the capitals at the beginning of sentences... I don't feel like correcting them...) 0:)
BahahahLOL 0
Or he could use his peni-- oh wait, I forgot that not everyone's is as big as mine.
iphonelover10 0
ha good 1
z620 0
at least you live somewhere nice enough to have palm trees where I live it's just cold and rain
renr17 0
climb up n get them
PizzaGuy11 0
failing is too easy for some people
imsosleepy 9
Hope you learned your lesson, OP. and throw a rock to knock your keys down
steeledwolf 8
hello??? chainsaw!!!!!
MissGrinch 4
I'll get them for you. I want catnip in exchange.
triple_double 1
I'll get you down after you get the keys back. I'll also want that catnip
MissGrinch 4
It's a deal.
PizzaGuy11 0
and ill bring a hot girl! no i really wont
glambert1998 0
^facepalm^
FFML_314 12
Let's hope you know how to climb. Or have claws like cat! MEOW!
MyTwoCents_ 0
ladder
forbiddin_secret 0
Ha, well I must say YDI.
facilitator 0
YDI for living someplace nice
OwNowBrownCow 0
Burn the tree down.
Arsonnist 3
Throw a grenade.
kenjiisown 1
Crash a plane to it.
The_Earth 0
^^9/11
kenjiisown 1
Exactly what I was going for.
The_Earth 0
yeah but see, my fellow planets thought whoever did this was genius. and apparently my enemy (Nibiru) wants to perform the same thing on me. just at a larger scale. so, because of humans.. me, you, and all of life, is screwed.
kenjiisown 1
**** you, Earth. I've been recycling my whole life for you and you can't make any use of that? Go suck a meteor.
The_Earth 0
by recycling, you mean reincarnation right? and I can helping you have ideas. but even if he doesn't hit me, and just goes pass me, it'll still mess you guys up with the gravitational pull. so it's impossible to dodge.
kenjiisown 1
Don't make me nuke you.
The_Earth 0
I just realized a brown cow said to burn the tree down. I didn't think cows could be so violent.
kenjiisown 1
I'll get rid of them for you. It might sting a bit all over...
The_Earth 0
NOOOOOO.
kenjiisown 1
Calm down. It will hurt more if you tense up.
The_Earth 0
ok ok fine.. too bad there isn't a way for me to get drunk for this..
kenjiisown 1
Earth, why did people believe you were the center of the universe?
redbluegreen 41
The Earth is very conceited.
The_Earth 0
because I WAS the center.. of our solar system atleast. not sure about the universe part though. even so, I don't think anything is the center if the universe is infinite. anyways, i got demoted when the sun came along. so, way back in the old times, I was the center of our solar system. nowadays, they think those old people were stupid.. poor old people.
kenjiisown 1
Redbluegreen is a champ.
The_Earth 0
i agree. we will declare redbluegreen as champion of the world! wait a sec.. does that make me your slave? treat me nice please, if I am.
FFML_314 12
WHOA WHOA WHOA! Red is no ones champion, but mine. Back off soldiers!
The_Earth 0
I wonder what she thinks about this... where's your feedback rebluegreen?
kenjiisown 1
He was standing next to a cow. Sorry.
The_Earth 0
he?
kenjiisown 1
He was standing next to a cow. Sorry.
redbluegreen 41
She, and I was out destroying another solar system 10x bigger than yours. I believe I belong to Anna. What's up? -fondles whip-
FFML_314 12
*Dusts her shoulders off* Yeah, be jealous bitches!
kenjiisown 1
I want a taco.
FFML_314 12
I want death for all idiots, but we can't always get what we want. :D
rockhound 0
what the hell have you all been smokin?
kenjiisown 1
I wasn't smoking anything.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
*hoses Anna* *hoses pen's smokin' Aces* *hoses Grinch and OP's keys out of tree* Now Anna's got muddy shoulders, pen's got a soggy meld, Grinch is on her feet but crabby, and none of us have an excuse for being here. Mwahaha! (that's my diabolical genius laugh) Ok, I realize I'd be both diabolicaler and geniouser if I wasn't so late to the party, but in my defense, palm trees can burn for a long time. It's the coconut milk.
glambert1998 0
lol at 76.go suck a meteor.i went vegan 4 u earth and recycled to help u since i was 2!!!!!
Mabster84 2
Got a stick?
TheTigerRoars 0
Climb the tree problem solved. Besides, it's Texas... There aren't any 'trees' only bushes. :D I can make that joke because I live there. ._. -Fluffy McTiger
SuperRichFish 6
Tigers in Texas? :O I'm going there nao :O
TheTigerRoars 0
-coughs awkwardly- I am merely... Um... A foreign exchange student. :D -Fluffy McTiger
SuperRichFish 6
But you said you live there, fail :D
TheTigerRoars 0
Hush, before they figure me out! -Fluffy McTiger
SuperRichFish 6
Would you care if somone said 'here kitty kitty' while thy were holding out wild hog meat?
TheTigerRoars 0
Well... That's a difficult question. What would happen most likely is: they get a paw to the face (both to distract and discipline), I snatch the hog, and I run away to the nearby forest. -Fluffy McTiger
SuperRichFish 6
Forest? in 'cough' not Texas 'cough'. do they have many forests there?
TheTigerRoars 0
Well, no... Some underbrush and some decent oak occasionally... Hey, wait a minute there... You're trying to trick me! I live in the mighty jungle! Far, far away! So phhht! :p -Fluffy McTiger
MAGNAVOX 0
Thank god for copies!