Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
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Comments (128)
VaporeonSpleen 8
I don't see anything wrong with this. To me a pussy is still a cat. I think that using it to describe it as anything else is largely an american thing. Just another example of them polluting our language.
farewellthebeast 8
Always a story for the boyfriend shell have later in life when and if ya catch Em tell the dude he's not the first horny thing in her bed he'll lose his mind trying to figure that one out :)
outoftown 27
Two decades, OP, and it'll be a treasured family story. One decade, and you can embarrass the hell out of her with it. Win-win ;)
fyl7899 12
57 - pretty sure other people think of a pussy as something other than a cat. Not just Americans. So bugger off.
musikchik 6
Maybe you should reconsider the kind of language that she's exposed to, and hopefully you disciplined her or something along the lines of correcting her!
hazardmuffin 21
It's not like the kid knows she's saying anything wrong. She has a unicorn...unicorns have horns...therefore she called it Horny. It has nothing to do with the language she's exposed to.
YepThatsMeee 23
61 I'm glad you're not my parent
dmoran20 27
I've met parents like that. When their daughters moved out they went wild and some ended up pregnant within the first 6 months. Sometimes you just have to let kids be kids...
sexipapi25 16
loss of words
Satoaoi 13
oh dear
MrPlopper 9
57- no English speaking country speaks the language properly.
beanthemouse 13
When I hear pussy, I think of a cat. I just think that a cute kitty is a too good name for a sex organ, it sickens me. The only time I laugh at it is when I am watching "Are you being served?". According to OMG facts, Kangaroo, monday and cousin are starting to become racial slurs. Goodbye innocent words, hello sick minds and the hearts of humanity and society.
BusinessTurtle 8
What's wrong with a sex organ? Is it a mark of shame to have one? Some things will always have double meanings and people will chuckle at it. Get over it. During an English class of mine back in my grammar school, the teacher brought out the King James Version of the bible to illustrate how English has changed since the 1500's. And yes, my classmates and I giggled a little when we heard a donkey being referred to as an ass. There's nothing wrong with it.
dmoran20 27
(Crawls from under his rock) I really must have missed the memo on Monday and Cousin becoming racial slurs..
Shrike 24
57- Languages evolve or they become extinct. Obviously you know jack shit about linguistics, or you wouldn't consider it "pollution". Nice job coming off as an ignorant, sanctimonious, and xenophobic idiot, though.