Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
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Comments (128)
banstrom17 4
Theres nothin better than a horny unicorn
Stalkerloo 11
I'd leave some perverted pun joke about horny ponies, but then I'd be buried with anti-Brony stuff. So, in its place I left everybody a boring useless comment that adds nothing to the post.
Srs_business 7
29 If you can't say anything to add to the conversation, why say anything at all?
TheAbstract 15
That would be entirely due to the fact that they are an ass.
alice_in_mordor 21
I used to have a stuffed whale name 'spermy' because I saw a show about sperm whales... Must have been so awkward to be my parent in public.
jojimugo 20
Yes there is a horny pillow unicorn ..
iammeorami 25
that's for sure
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
GothickNihilist 15
That depends on how old your cousin is, also if an adult/teenager suggested the name .
7yzz 18
Who cares, they're 5, they dont know what that means, its harmless, let them have fun. It'll be a funny thing to bring up when friends come over. This isnt an FML at all..
dmoran20 27
And that depends on if the person commenting above me is really that dense.....
7yzz 18
Who cares about either of those names, the kid is 5, she doesnt know any of the sexual annotations behind them, without those, those names are just as innocent as any other name. Just let her name it what she wants, shes 5. Can be something funny to bring up when your friends come over =]
pokemonchick14 12
...where does your cousin live that he owns a zebra..?
razzledazzle21 23
I'm quite sure it's a stuffed zebra.
victus 14
too bad the horn isn't hard, its very soft
botanistjessica 24
You have a sick mind.
awaydoggy 8
dude what da shit ur talking about？she is five
theunlovedemo 10
Agree with #74! That's just grim...
Rancor 5
It actually turns out, young prepubesent girls are the horniest creatures on this planet.
fdupagain 11
84 your comment is down right disgusting.
iBeCareless 7
84- How do your know?
dmoran20 27
#84, that's just ******* sick....
beannlove 7
ive seen something similar to this, though it was a horny dinosaur rather than a horny unicorn. hopefully the people she decides to tell have a sense of humor and just laugh it off
cass1_l0ve 13
Just wait till she's old enough to know what it means.
adatheunicorn 8
I can't wait to see that FML.
Webslinger66 10
She will make a rage comic ending in "Oh god. Why?"
awaydoggy 8
#56，i saw a lof rage in ur photo
cajekraze 7
Exactly! OP needs to get this on video for later in her life
BubbleGrunge 18
Ahhh, it's cool OP; it's a child's toy, she doesn't know any different. Horney is a perfectly acceptable name for a unicorn! :)
Omfgitsmia 15
Awwe that's cute and funny. Maybe offer a new name for it?
greenie213 23
If there's one thing I know about strong willed little girls (my lil sis is one of those), it's that telling them to change what they've already decided on NEVER goes down well.
Michael_92 20
Mr. Long Horn maybe?
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
miss_sqwert 19
think u need to losen up a little and see the funny side. it could be worse wen i was a kid i used to have a ferby called herpy
rattusrattus 19
Yeah, it really doesn't get any worse than owning a Furby... *shudder*
dmoran20 27
I don't know, remember garbage pail kids? Those were awesome lol!
rawr_ily96 24
#9 I've been watching too much MLP. (female brony) I immediately thought Herpy Derpy Hooves. Derpy Hooves is the name of a pegasus. Wow. I am weird.
rinzlerkitty94 31
No, sweetie, you're not a "female brony." We are Pegasisters.
meow_jess 11
Wait until she get married so you can joke about it in family gatherings haha.