Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
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Comments (128)
JanisEvans 10
Awwww, that's adorable.
JanisEvans 10
You clearly don't understand the term 'xenophobia'.
misslifeguard 7
One day she will look back and be like "oh god why?"
TheyCallMeDamien 18
That's CLASSIC!
minagiv 11
Tell her what I tell my son, "That's a description, not a name. Try again."
BellaFurfaro 12
Maybe it's time to have "The Talk".
EvilUndead 9
1. Videotape it. 2. Use the record to tease her when she gets older.
NoBuenoLeno 9
Last year in my drama class this girl named her stuff pig "nip slip."
fdupagain 11
If she is anything like my daughter, the name will stick, inky because if the reaction. She doesn't understand why she gets that reaction, but because she does, she well say it a much and often as she can.
fresh247 10
she doesn't know she's probably calling him that because of its horns