If I woke up with a ****** in my face, there would be other things on my mind than it wanting to eat me.

+1 Waking up with a ****** in front of your face sounds like the start of a good day. Except if she has a blue one. Then pretty much FYL.

tired of blue waffle jokes its a myth not a common ailment

#12 Lucky, I woke up with a ballsack to the face.

It doesn't have to be common to exist. Apart from that: it's simply a severe infection. If you think that infections are a myth, then please, just, edu, just, just educate yourself. :/

1, I can't think of a single, straight guy who would complain to waking up to pussy in their face. That sounds like a win for both people involved. OP's husband will get payback when he realizes there is no more sex or privacy, for that matter, when their 4-year-old refuses to sleep anywhere else. He ****-blocked himself!

Yall aint seen "Teeth", have you?

That experience would be awesome!!!

@33 grandma pussy.... nuff said.

Waking up to something like that in my face would be more exciting than a little kid going to disney and maybe you will have the mini heart attack when you feel something warm and tingly touching you lol

47 - Lolwut? O.o

This is exactly what happens when you let your friends read your FMLs... They write stupid comments. I'm sorry about that my dumb add friend wrote the first comment.

Around the time I was 6 or seven I had watched Little Shop of Horrors and for the longest time I'd lay awake in bed at night watching the shadows thinking the plant was under my bed and going to eat me

When I was about 6 or 7, I used to be terrified of the dryer. I had a nightmare that it had come alive and a large white blanket had grabbed me (as if it was the dryer's tongue) and started to consume me.

I had an irrational fear of Vacuums and Drains, wouldn't stand close to it in the shower, and ran out of the room if it was being vacuumed. My dad used that fear to his advantage.

My ex-boyfriend's daughter (whom I was extremely close to) feared she would go down the drain if she was showered or bathed. She would scream bloody murder and cry if anyone tried. I kept telling her dad (my ex) to get in the bathtub (dressed) so she could see it was impossible for anyone to go down the drain. He didn't listen. I did it, one day, when he wasn't around. I asked her to bathe me (with clothes on). Within minutes she was in the tub with me. Toddlers and children just need to be shown, first hand, that their fears are pointless and silly.

34- That reminds me of this trick my mom used to pull on my little brother and I. Whenever we wouldn't listen to her she would threaten to runaway into the drain and never come back. Needless to say it worked pretty well until I finally figured out that there's no way that she could fit into a hole that tiny and I convinced my brother of it, too.

When I was younger, I watched "Don't look under the bed" and I would never stand near my bed frame. If I wanted to get to my bed, I would run and jump onto my bed. I was also afraid of the toilet. :/

Oh this is a funny thread. When I was a child I was afraid of those bumble bee toys. They like vibrate and have knobs on them. It didn't even have to be on, my brother and sister would put it in front of their bedroom doors. No idea why it scared me.

When I was little I was afraid of the toilet flushing. I'd finish my business, wash my hands, open the door, flush, and then run like hell!

From ages 4-9, I would go through periods where I was terrified of the handicap stalls in restrooms if I was in there alone. Mainly because I used to have this recurring nightmare where there was an alligator in the stall that would eat people's toes.

Is anyone else scared of the sound a toilet makes when It flushes? It'd be nice to know if anyone else sprints out of the bathroom as soon as they flush.

The gremlins. They still haunt me to this day.

praying mantis. Those creepy eyes and the almost 360 degree head spin.

I can relate to the toilet fear. When I was little I thought the Goblins from "The princess and the goblins" lived in the sewers and ate our *ahem* leavings. I too ran after flushing.

While that is harsh no matter how you put it's a great way to avoid sex that's a veteran move from a real pro

Woman can be too. It's about the person, not the gender.

Sure, women can be horrible, but men seem to take pride in it. Literally about 90% of the people at my job are men, and all they do is pick on each other all day long and it's common for them to kick one another when they're down. And one time years ago I broke up with a guy and he told me, "I can't tell my friends about this. They'll make fun of me." I told.him that his friends were ass holes and he should get new ones. He replied, "Nah. That's just how guys are." At the time I thought he was just trying to manipulate me, but every man I've told about the incident has confirmed that, yes, that's just how guys are. It seems to be in men's nature to assert their dominance over ONE ANOTHER. Usually a man's dickish behavior is limited to other men and mere verbal jesting. It takes a REAL asshole to deliberately scare the shit out of a small child, especially when it's his own daughter.

*It's *fair.

Thanks captain grammar I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't of corrected me.

*Captain Grammar, *minus 'of' You're welcome. Just spreading some corrections. I should probably stop unless it's severe.

Now you just sound like an asshole.

I've went through this with someone else already. Yes it was a typo that is supposed to say *Fair. if you understand what i meant like it or not and move on.