Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML
Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML
Today, my boyfriend was reading me a poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well… until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said, "Shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML
Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML
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Top comments
xnyletak 17
Sounds like asstounding work.
thestrangedude 10
What a bummer
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Comments (139)
xnyletak 17
Sounds like asstounding work.
SauceySarah 30
He's a real asshole.
jazzy_123 20
that's a guy's version of "50 shades of Grey".
Ambient25 25
Well, at least you had a chance to ANALyze his work.
WeAreAHurricane 14
Sounds more like an autobiography
TwistedCherub1 15
I assume he's just lazy, trying to take the back door to success.
SThompson90 7
He shouldn't have ASSimilated your personal love life into the novel
synsam 4
come on OP can't you turn the other cheek?
ballerboy20 8
sounds like the cheek has already been turned a few times
MrDespicable 4
So many puns, it cracks me up.
perdix 31
Sounds like a sequel to Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time," except going into much greater depth probing the topic of black holes.
JustinKirby 20
I had a substitute named Mr. Butts yesterday he would of loved this! Mr. Butts was the shit
hannahsnyder69 16
He should be an ASStronaut since he likes Uranus so much
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
He enjoyed COLONizing Uranus!
DanielRamirez 10
Haha I see what you did there
Golden_Rydes 3
I hope he didn't have a chapter on Dark Matter. Eww!
Shrouds 14
I'll take 12 copies please.
youresoscrewed 24
More like 50 shades of brown
WompWompWomp123 7
He must have ASSumed that you'd like it, butt I guess he was wrong.
swaggalikethat 22
This would've been a great book if there wasn't such a hole in the plot. It really cracks the foundation of the story.
salic77 11
South Park spin off in the future
gotaplanstan 28
all it's missing from being the greatest coffee table book ever is a donkey on the cover and a coupon for a free tube of lube on the centerfold
iGiveNoDamn 14
Oh shit, the amount of puns on this page, makes this FML an instant favorite.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
But no need to get so anal about it!
incoherentrmblr 22
I'm the one who incoherently rambles...
Pacers13 11
No
thestrangedude 10
What a bummer
Ambient25 25
I don't know, I found the novel to be thrilling. I mean yes there was a gap, but I think the biggest twist was when the character traveled to Uranus and discovered a black hole, which caught our philanderer off guard. It went beyond belief that such a crack could exist in such a tight space, yet still pull such a large object into it. Giggity
hashshim 23
I'll buy a copy.
mFUNdo21 17
they've had enough anal sex for him to drop out of college and write a novel about?
lex1459 38
I'm assuming the word "brief" is there for a reason
lexi365 20
It can be taken a couple different ways.
lishabear 21
That's what she said.
dumscivisti 12
maybe, but not to you, 23
PenguinBitch 44
"That's what" -She
Ambient25 25
"I'll need to be really really drunk" -She
SThompson90 7
"Just the tip" -He
RedPillSucks 33
"In the butt, Bob" -Errbody
HelloooooNurse 20
He'll be the ass end of many a joke at any publishing firm.
RarityRoyale 17
Sounds like he should have stayed in college
onlychildFTW 34
He just sounds like an idiot. He probably would have failed anyways.
StillUsesMyspace 22
He sounds like a keeper to me
crazydave1998 6
ha!! i doubt a degree was in his future...probably well on his way to flunking
beachygirl24 13
Tell him that will remain in history unless he gets his ass back in college.
ZY1431 24
must of been painful to sit down and read the whole thing brief or not.
homerr123 15
don't you mean the hole thing
MakeTodayADTR 20
I think he made me my Starbucks this morning too. Big day for him.
Rainhawk94 27
What are you taking about
Bradley_Dillon 39
Drop outs don't get good jobs.... They work at McDonalds, Tim Hortons (Canadian Duncan Donuts I believe...), starbucks, etc.
snugglesMcGee199 23
I, too, don't understand what they are taking about.
Pikawhore 21
Some college graduates can't get good jobs either.
owenster 12
Ass pun.
lisaroxmysoxx 16
Well you must be amazing if he feels so confident to drop out of college to write a novel about your ass.
CobraLazerFace 21
If 50 Shades of Gray got popular, who knows? This might become the next big erotic book!
maximus_prime 24
Fifty shades of brown doesn't have the same appeal.
Sh3lbs 6
Thumb me down if needed but how clever #58 was has got to be acknowledged by more than a thumbs up!