Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
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Comments (128)
melkymac101 17
Aww how cute
vbmg152 19
That's hilarious!
MoonRei 5
She's a 5yr old, she's just naming it because of the horn it has on it's head, like naming a dog dog. She (hopefully) has no knowledge of sex, sexual terms, ect. It's completely innocent. And honestly, if someone says something about it, you should tell them such. She's just a little girl. When she's older, if she still has it, she'll realize it, and will either laugh about it, or change it's name.
klutz44 28
Just don't let it get to that awkward point where she's still naive but some of her friends know what horny means.
dixiefoxx 22
Yeah, I remember one Easter, my younger sister, she was somewhere around 7-9, we got those Peeps, the candy birds that are really soft and really good, she named hers "Peepys"
doritowhore 9
I used to call clocks 'cocks' before I could pronounce it properly...and I used to exclaim it loudly anywhere I saw them. She doesn't know any better, and hopefully people will realize that.
buckdharma 38
I'm curious, how many hands did you have on your little... yeah, never mind.
Enslaved 38
Cum get me. I get off at 7 o'****! (:
KiddNYC1O 22
She's 5. People will understand, surely.
ShannonBitt 29
My seventeen year old friend named her unicorn "Horny" also, claiming it had no inappropriate intentions.
j_cat187 20
Horny the thrust-plow?
SrakaSrakasta 20
YDI for caring. She's a child for crying out loud. Noone will care and you shouldn't either. I hope you don't ruin this child with your complexes
ShananaginsLOL 13
Awwww don't be so strict that's adorable.....it is however a great story to tell in front of her friends when she's a teenager!
hanymandy 6
Hahaha!!!