Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
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Comments (128)
kittenkatiepawz 1
I named my pillow pet the same thing...but I'm 19 so that just makes me awesome
Happyhighs1 3
Its just a 5 year old.... All 5 year olds come up wt names like that. If your gunna ruin her childhood and break her spirit over what she named a pillow pet you might as well rip off the horn and go " there now its a ****** pony"
dmoran20 27
Wow vapor, just another example on how the word bitch can be used in different ways, I will let u decide how I'm using it right now.
Shrike 24
76- According to the Oxford Dictionary: Definition of xenophobia noun [mass noun] intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries: So yeah, he is xenophobic towards Americans. If his comment, especially the last sentence, doesn't clue you in to that, then you're hopelessly oblivious.
NaturallyNikkee 3
Well...she is 5, she doesn't know any better. Just let it be so that when she's older you can remind her and you two can look back and laugh at the memory.
neppy 6
Well it has a horn, right? Horny is a perfectly logical name from a child's perspective.
manda1511 5
Haha that's actually what we named mine!
Izabushel 65
My Mum taught my nephew a poem that she learnt more than 60 years ago. To avoid possible confusion and embarrassment for all, I suggested she change the opening line from "My Pussy" to "My Kitty".
Izabushel 65
Just reminded me of another story. When mobile phones first started becoming popular, I would often sit in the car on long trips listening to my dad work. After him organising his third "three way" as he put it, I suggested that it might be better if he said "conference call" instead, just incase people thought he wanted group sex.
emalee519 3
I know how you feel. My son named his penguin pillow pet Pecker.