Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.
kingsian 15
I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
ulissey_fml 22
At least she didn't choose a Corny name.
dRUMsKELETON 12
I used to call frogs "*****" by accident, I called my pet frog sir **** for over a year. Let kids be kids, it's just a funny story for later on :)
beanthemouse 13
Adults have sick minds. For ***** sake, let her keep the name. Horny is just an animal with a horn (eg, the animal is horny as in he has a lot of horns). If I had a kid and she called a toy "horny", I would say "sure, thats sweet" beacuse they do not know any better, and I would not be sick enough to think of the other meaning. Stupid humanity making innocent words rude, nobody can even say pussycat anymore >:(
daminantion 14
Watch out we got a badass over here spilling out profanities. Calm down bro, it's a website not a debating office.
ncp246 2
Hahaha. I did something like that once when I was little with a toy turtle. His name? Turdy....
mikenikes14 8
What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;
laurenufert 10
my sister gave her unicorn pillow pet the exact same name!
love1026 6
I have the purple and rainbow unicorns and their names are mr. And mrs. Horny.. (:
Sir_Swaggington 6
Either this FML is recycled or this is a common occurance... I hope it's recycled.
LuisM104 11
Ahahah! .-.
Ziggy122 15
So? She's five. She's referring to the horn on its head. Enjoy her innocent mind while it lasts. This'll probably make a funny story for when she's older...