Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML
Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML
Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
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Top comments
Revan501 15
That guy is an asshole.
txgirl2013 14
Unplug it, move it next to his desk and do the same thing and see how he likes it.
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Comments (69)
Revan501 15
That guy is an asshole.
GothickNihilist 15
Not just any kind of asshole either. He's an attention seeking obnoxious asshole.
klutz44 28
A disgusting attention seeking obnoxious asshole.
PeteyPablo12308 20
An inconsiderate disgusting obnoxious attention seeking asshole.
Sputnikspak 13
An inconsiderate, incredibly rude, obnoxious attention-seeking asshole.
Bazinga2010 5
Or to put it simply, that guy is a ****
txgirl2013 14
Unplug it, move it next to his desk and do the same thing and see how he likes it.
sens3sfailing 25
he would probably like the attention. it seems thats what he is going for. immaturity makes people do anything for any kind attention.
LO388 7
I'd move it there but NOT do the same thing. Maturity ftw.
Puffytruffles 18
Wretched guy.
victus 14
put something in the coffee for him to have with it...
dmoran20 27
Salt is always a winner
wallandpiece 16
Laxatives, salt, cyanide...?
jamnglamgirlie 17
What if he/she tastes the difference and spits it out on OP?
BubbleGrunge 18
Ewww, I got the heebie jeebies reading this!
Bluekaren16 19
Well you have now conditioned yourself to retch. He probably does it because it grosses you out. What a jerk.
VannahJane 17
Is it really conditioning if she retches because it's gross? I mean OP didnt state she retches every time she sees coffee..
DocBastard 40
Tell him you peed in the coffee, but don't actually do it. You're not a vile, disgusting animal, are you? Then sit back and watch as the retching is his, and victory is yours.
poccocurantes 7
Unless he's into that sort of thing.
TheAbstract 15
*swish, swish* "Hey Jeff, I pissed in that coffee." "Oh, did you now?" *swish, swish*..
vbmg152 19
That guy's a sicko!!
feefifofumxx 13
Why in the world would he do that? Does he enjoy the lingering taste of stale coffee in his mouth or does he just envy yellow chompers?
Tempest151 11
Probably a good time to start writing your name on your cup, better safe than sorry.