Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
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Top comments
alexlovescandy 3
What a terrible excuse for a girlfriend.
Screwie 25
I believe and predict that she will get aids - I don't even need to be a genius to know that. Oh, and she will end up single pretty soon too.
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Comments (107)
FlyingPie 17
What an irrational girlfriend. The world isn't ending on December 21st, it'll end on December 22nd..
thatageguy 1
What is all this "end of the world" Talk. I thought she just used a cleaver pick up line on me. Sorry dude.
BGSU2012 3
Maybe if you didn't call your girlfriend names like "twat" she wouldn't look for love elsewhere, jerk. YDI.
Bekll 31
It's the other way around. She makes an excuse to sleep around and he calls her a twat.
Chaylbs_Draco 8
88 Did you read the FML before you commented??? Take your time when commenting so you don't come off sounding like an idiot.
BGSU2012 3
Thanks I read it perfectly fine, still have the same opinion.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Guy calling his girlfriend a twat for using the doomsday "prediction" to ***** around: UNACCEPTABLE! Girl whoring around using said doomsday excuse to get away from OP, who we know nothing about: Ok! Yep, you got your priorities straight.
omaster3 2
She's defiantly a keeper ((:
jtsyanks 2
slit her tires...and then her throat
PunkySpunky78 15
Well I believe it might end then but I don't think it is right to sleep around like that or anything like that since that is one of the 7 deadly sins
OneObstacle 3
Created an account to let you know how contradictory you sound. By believing in the 7 Sins I think it's safe to assume you're a devout Christian (correct me if I am wrong). If you are, then I have no idea why you'd believe in an end to the world "prophesied" by a civilization that has no connection to and was around an estimated 3000 years before your prophet walked the earth.
PunkySpunky78 15
You need to read the bible It is in the bible too and other stuff It is just not Mayans saying it
nvo 6
ex girlfriend, i hope?
adameeo 21
Did she die?
isamisis 9
She only wants to find a friend for the end of the world with benefits.
thefuckinloser 6
when they start that its time to do one of two things try to **** her friends or better all women dont like someone or they jealous or something pick her friends or the ones she hates even her sister cousin anyone close to her try to **** as many as you can then tell her to **** off See how she likes it