Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
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Top comments
alexlovescandy 3
What a terrible excuse for a girlfriend.
Screwie 25
I believe and predict that she will get aids - I don't even need to be a genius to know that. Oh, and she will end up single pretty soon too.
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Comments (107)
Avtzsc 3
Seems like someone was watching "Seeking a friend for the end of the world", and took it a bit literally
CatPupsRule 0
What an idiot! Not you, her!!
TcheQ 12
You should exploit this, OP, and offer to buy all her stuff for 10% of it's worth.
jonsey974 3
Shouldn't this fml read "ex-girlfriend"?
AnxietySlave 9
Please tell me this " Girlfriend " Turned into an EX-Girlfriend? If not, you're doing it wrong!
imperialtl 12
Send her my way :-)
noisebox 1
Sounds like you've been given a con story, by an opportunist, you know you should do the same and bang lots of other chicks and try out all those things you've always wanted to do like back door boogie!
jayzyone 4
Oh well any excuse will do when somebody wants to screw around, mighty handy of those crafty Mayans to give your GF one centuries in advance.
blackbird85 4
Damnnnn
PunkySpunky78 15
Ok I had comment on this one. So what happened to it? I said I believe the world is going to end then but that is no right to go around cheating since cheating is one of the deadly sins