Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alexlovescandy 3
What a terrible excuse for a girlfriend.
Screwie 25
I believe and predict that she will get aids - I don't even need to be a genius to know that. Oh, and she will end up single pretty soon too.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
PhishloverA 14
You mean your EX-girlfriend, right? Your (ex) girlfriend has the logic of a donkey
sillyyanks 24
For all you poons talking about the Mayan calendar, not one of you has been correct. They discovered a new Mayan calendar this year, which is not only 6,000 years older than the one that made the doomsday predictions but calculates calendars well beyond December this year. Why would you record calendars of the future if you though that the world was going to end.... Evidently they believed that the world would go on for a lot longer than we first thought they did.
Grimnirwher9 21
Wait, what? I can't really blame people for believing stuff, as everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but how on Earth is this an excuse to do other men?
Czech_Zidane 14
You answered your own question probably. I do not think that she actually believes it, she probably uses it only as an excuse, nothing more.
Czech_Zidane 14
OP does not respect her? What is here to respect? Her "right" to have sex with other men, when in relationship? But then OP has the right to dump her. I would do that already, if I were OP. I despise cheating.
anon_e_m00se 8
Dump that bitch!
CharlieeBabiee 2
Sorry to hear that. Honestly that's a terrible thing to do. 1. Sleeping around, 2. Having an excuse that lame and 3. Honestly having to have an excuse for doing something that horrible.
dcanimal 3
She's probably just faking that she thinks the world is gonna end just so she can "justify" her infidelities
adam_tajyar 10
Your girlfriend is a ho, and she's retarded. Sorry OP!
rayquaza5000 4
Hey. yolo.
xmaximusx 12
Hahaha what a stupid hoe!