Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML
Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years actually believes that the Earth is flat. FML
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
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Top comments
alexlovescandy 3
What a terrible excuse for a girlfriend.
Screwie 25
I believe and predict that she will get aids - I don't even need to be a genius to know that. Oh, and she will end up single pretty soon too.
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Comments (107)
nachosbabygurl 9
*****
perdix 31
She may be right. Plan to dump her on December 22. Look that's only about 6 weeks away. You're not going to find a replacement girlfriend in that time, and you don't want to face the end of the world alone. You do want to go out with a bang, not a whimper, right?
ohSNAPyall 27
She's probably planning to bang someone else that night. He'll be stuck with his own fireworks trying to find someone to light his Roman candle.
culito_fml 10
Idk if he needs crappy company during the "suposed" end of the world lol
SoylentCandycorn 10
I'd dump her straight away. So what if he doesn't get laid that one night? She's probably going to have herpes or genital warts forever.
AnyaS 19
She *is* stupid and that's a horrible excuse. Also, the Mayans never predicted the world would end. That date represents a transition to higher human intelligence for the next generations of humans. So it's the end of the world... as it is now/as we know it. It's a good thing. I'm not saying I believe this though.
ohSNAPyall 27
The gf may not fully understand, but she believes! Just like she believes in committing human sacrifice.
themarshal_fml 6
I agree that it's just "the end of the world as we know it", but if this next higher intelligence you speak about is all about the "swag" and "yolo", then I wouldn't say it's a good thing.
annie_nk 23
If they could have predicted the end of the world, they would have seen the Spanish coming.
A7XCamaro 19
60 - That would be a lower intelligence.
rhaemese 9
Actually 70, they somewhat did. They had a prophecy that a "War God" (I think it was a War God) would come and do something that I can't really remember. Since they saw Cortez that looked like the previously said War God in the predicted armor and boat, they basically let him kill them. But I still don't believe the world will end then.
rhaemese 9
My bad lol. I meant 70.
lozzaaa96 13
Awkward moment for her when the world doesnt end and she's got an std
culito_fml 10
And no boyfriend... Haha
annie_nk 23
I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up with more than one STD.
PizzaRollsss 5
And a Baby
SoylentCandycorn 10
Babies are the worst STD of all.
peachy36 3
That is a terrible thing to say!! U should be punched in the nuts and they should be crushed so you'll never have kids; and go through the terrible pain.
ninjadinos 14
When you believe in things you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way. ...very superstitious!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Writings on the wall.
spaboolly 26
Seven years of bad luck... Seems like an appropriate penance for the girlfriend.
annie_nk 23
Some STD's are forever. Or there's pregnancy.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
17 I thought you were talking about religion.
mrz1177 11
Why did u go out with her?
Sally2dicks21 8
dump her. simple as that. ps your gfs a stupid ****
LilNigga916 6
I think I can safely say that this is an acceptable fml to say that on
THE_A_TEEN 28
The Dec. 21 2012 doomsday is bullshit anyway. How many times people predicted the end as we know it and the end never came?
unknown_user5566 27
My thoughts exactly, Teeny. This isn't the first bullshit prediction, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Every generation has one. Hell, I remember camping out in the basement 13 years ago as a little kid, surrounded by canned food, bunkering down for Y2K.
ohSNAPyall 27
Shamus, our generation has had about 8.
alycion 39
That is the night I came home from doing live news coverage to find my gold fish dead. It was the end of the world for him.
culito_fml 10
It is not an end of the world prediction, it only marks change, ignorant people misinterpret it as end of the world
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
44, there's always some nut sprouting end of the world BS. Like that May 21st 2011 or whatever it was crap. But each generation has one BIG one. Like Y2K or December 2012.
MalloryKnox 8
Yeah I've lived through several "ends of the world." And now my boyfriend's mom is convinced December 21st is totally it. She wants us to move back home into their already very crowded house so "we can be together when it happens." I think Kool Aid and mass suicide will be involved.. Wish I was joking...
CrewBoy 10
Dump her and tell everyone she's a cheating *****.
nightowl713 25
I support people having the right to believe what they choose, but I also know that if the world were coming to an end, I'd want to spend every second of everyday with the people I LOVE. Not galavanting around town contracting unknown diseases.