Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
You BASTARD!
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Hormonal
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
The bed is lava
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Baby fever
Today, I've eaten two pieces of fruit, three crackers, and 3.5 glasses of juice. I've also vomited 3 times and peed myself once. Can someone please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again? FML
Off script
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Crackers
Today, I'm seven weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't Cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up two hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML
Top comments
idontknowyou123 0
Only one solution... FALCOOON PUUUUNNCH
GVirdi 11
36 I was thinking condoms
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Comments (282)
idontknowyou123 0
Only one solution... FALCOOON PUUUUNNCH
SecretMe00 5
That's common sense I would think..... Each pregnancy is different..
blackheart24 10
**** that man, OP was just tryin to be a good husband and take care of his wife. It was a nice gesture, just the wrong one.
thisisafunnyname 12
21, are you saying the falcon punch is common sense or her craving of different things? I hope you were talking about the falcon punch
Damn_Hippster 11
OP that's rough... Try ear plugs?
GVirdi 11
36 I was thinking condoms
M0rt 0
Surprise abortion anyone?
hellbilly205 17
Poptarts are my favorite thing when im drunk...
chell1894 13
Common sense or not that was very sweet of him. Shows he appreciates and pays attention to her wants and needs. Sounds like she's a little ungrateful though..
nava1210 12
71 - the post never says she was ungrateful, she could have been excited when she saw them and thanked him..and then puked
nava1210 12
You know what, nevermind..that's highly unlikely. Pregnant women are crazy and rude.
mockingjaygirl16 8
better luck next time.
wittygirl 8
Them hormones make them crazy. Trust me.
randomkayx3 11
This is why I think women are ungrateful. Even though I am a girl. I'm awaiting all the thumbs down from chicks :)
BubbleGrunge84 7
No thumbs down from this chick 104...personally I think that is so super sweet and hormones or not, control your shit women! You don't have to act like a psyco and give all us other ones a bad name
DocBastard 40
randomkayx3 - Trust me, you'll be getting them from men, too. Just wait until you get pregnant and can't control yourself because of the cocktail of hormones that are raging through you.
randomkayx3 11
No. I know. I've had a pregnant mum and my sister is pregnant right now. I just think overall. Girls always want more. They're never satisfied
randomkayx3 11
And I think what OP did was sweet. The FML makes her seem like she was mad because he got her poptarts.
draegbomb 5
Coat hanger
desireev 18
While I agree that there are some things a pregnant woman can control, there are many things that she cannot control. My cravings for things changed so many times while I was pregnant. Sometimes, I would break down and bawl over food that was brought to me. You will never understand until you get pregnant...
ActionManly 11
This might be a lot of thumbs downs but I ******* hate Falcon Punch jokes about pregnancy. "Oh sure! Let's just kill your kid!! Hahaha so ******* funny man!" How is that even humour? **** if your dad did that to your mom you wouldn't be alive.
RrLSf19 0
Hey look on the brightside, at least in 9 months your gonna have a little bundle of joy! ;)
IYT 4
This is kind of the Internet... nobody likes those jokes but you sort of just label the person as in idiot in your head and move on.
Meowingtons500 18
Bitches be crazy
Furrywhiplash 14
I like the falcon punch jokes, they make me think of captain falcon (during the N64 era), which then makes me all fluffy inside. Although I don't think the joke should be made about pregnant women...
ohxdamnxkay02 12
you deserve it for getting her pregnant...AGAIN
THE_A_TEEN 28
Couldn't you make your own thread instead of trying to reply to the top comments just to get to the top?
Mercury03 13
Making to much sense isn't her strong suit I suppose.
kate3101 15
You can control yourself perfectly well the vast majority of the time. Some women just see pregnancy as an excuse to be demanding, needy, fussy and rude.
GracesDelirium 9
And some women are nicer during pregnancy. Granted, they were usually holy terrors before...
brytonk 8
1 - i lolled
HannahMarshall 6
199 - op didn't say he didn't want to have another child.
idontknowyou123 0
245 - What the hell is wrong with you? Yea I said it but I didnt think it was funny. Someone was bound to say it so I took the oppurtunity to say it first so this fml wouldnt be pro-abortion in the comments.
contedefees 11
#105: dude, pregnant women cannot control their emotions. Emotions are rooted in biological reactions, and the hormones are flying when women are pregnant. That's like telling a depressed person to just be happy, it's not physically going to happen.
hahaha1699 0
aggreed
crazyaces89 7
That would probably make me want to react the same way as well--but if they aren't open can't u just return then?
Avoriginies_fml_fml 14
Spell much?
TraeThaTruth07 7
#2, I think he is more upset about the screaming he will have to deal with rather than the pop tarts.
staymintyfresh 13
AAAND because it's not worth returning a few boxes of pop tarts....
BrokenDreamer24 15
I can see what #2 is getting at here. OP can return the unopened boxes and use that money to get what his wife is craving for this pregnancy.
Unlucky_Gun 0
Spelling nazi much #8?
ModernLightz 9
It is not being a spelling nazi when someone does not even take the time to type out you. Especially since the letters are pretty close together on most keyboards.
desireev 18
As long as you get the message, then spelling isn't a big deal. When you have to use all of your brain power to understand spelling 'lykee dis$', then spelling Nazis are completely and totally allowed to unleash.
silentbutfunny 0
148 why is it when i try to say that i get buried, but you say pretty much the same thing you get props? :(
desireev 18
I'm not sure.. I'm not trying to attack you or anything, but I've seen you try to correct someones grammar before while using not-so-good spelling. And then you say what I just said as a defense when people get you for correcting grammar. And I always try to come about it in the most polite way that I can think of. I'm not sure.. But that's just a guess. Like I said before, no offense at all! :)
silentbutfunny 0
Yea... I see this going how it did last time... But let me give an example of what i was trying to say "lets go eat, grandpa" vs "lets go eat grandpa" Grammer can save a life. But yea if you know what the word is without straining, mission acomplished. Grammer throws people off more than spelling most of the time
silentbutfunny 0
Plus i hear you, you're trying to be polite while correcting somebody on the internet (one of the rare ones) and in a logical manner (you know, instead of going apeshit about it while completly missing the point) for that, i thank you. :)
desireev 18
I try my best! ;)
Bobissmall 13
Maybe it's because you spell "yeah" and "yea" and don't capitalize your i's.
crazyaces89 7
Thank you! At least someone gets it! I was mainly thinking of the financial aspects.
MissHayleyJames 7
...and you spell grammar, grammer...
RochelleRedvines 8
But poptarts are delicious!
biggestfan23 11
Especially strawberry with sprinkles. God it's been so long
philipino 24
Aw hells no. Ice cream sundae is where it's at.
biggestfan23 11
That's debatable
hobojo69 23
I don't care how many people dislike this comment but I don't understand how they are good they are cheap crust like bread and nasty ass frosting an sprinkles with gross filling the only one I would have to say that would be semi good is regular strawberry all the others are barf worthy
2oc 5
81- How dare you insult poptarts like that! They are most definitely delicious.
HeartOnSleeves 8
81- if we ever meet.. My pop tarts will haunt you for life.
silentbutfunny 0
Everybody has different tastes buds... And mine perfer the cookies & cream kind :)
SuperBritty23 7
I didn't think Poptarts could start a debate. Apparently, I was wrong.
Chixken 6
The blueberry muffin kind is the best!!!!?
Oasispetro1 4
HOT FUDGE SUNDAE all day hah
buck33 14
The only thing that compares to pop tarts are toaster strudels... I love both
desireev 18
The s'mores kind is amazing!! :) OM-NOM-NOM!!!
krystal298 1
112- i love how your picture goes with your comment :D
abrainiac13 6
They are delicious... But not as delicious as a tasty Redvine! What the hell can't they do?!
Furrywhiplash 14
112) O.O
Furrywhiplash 14
^ Implying that 112's comment was too much for my mind to comprehend. I fear that kind of cereal was not meant to be discovered by mortals.
Mister_Triangle 21
Cinnamon poptarts are Da Bomb
ladyLALAA 29
I've never had poptarts :(
Chixken 6
221-I feel so bad for you ):
j_cat187 20
Pop tarts and cool aid. My childhood
SmelloJello 9
catch 22
exleonhart 0
Yo, what did you just call me?
quite_bored 9
Not. At. All.
Mercury03 13
181 If you are in fact serious, a catch 22 is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If he gets pop tarts she pukes. If he doesn't she gets mad and yells. No matter what he does he's screwed. That's a catch 22.If you are referencing the reply I got nothing I don't get it either.
sparkrok 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you can always count on the women to screw up a man's good plan
llamafish 25
I believe the man is also guilty of some screwing, no?
ProhibitionRose 14
Yep. Women go through different cravings with each pregnancy, sometimes different side effects. Example: with my first pregnancy I craved hot wings like crazy, with my second the smell of them makes me gag. Some women have morning sickness with one pregnancy but not the other.
HaleyStutler 0
well it's the guys fault for getting you knocked up in the first place!!
silentbutfunny 0
It takes 2 to tango... Once again
IYT 4
If she's been pregnant before, don't you think that maybe they're bonded and actually want to have children? No one accidentally gets someone pregnant 3 times. (Debatable)
a1f0sff 25
And this is just the beginning...
thenoobftw 3
May we all pray for his poor soul.
girl112891 7
I'm sure she's not enjoying it anymore than you, OP.
GracesDelirium 9
Yep. In nine months, there'll be an annoying crying child too. Mercy.
SignUpisntcool 3
Stuff her under the mattress. And for the people who thumb down this comment because she's pregnant and it will hurt hurt her baby, I wasn't being serious.
SignUpisntcool 3
Sorry for the second " hurt.". *Her.
MickGold 8
Bitches be trippin'! ...Especially when they're pregnant.
darien987 1
Smh..
HaleyStutler 0
it's ur fault for getting us knocked up in the first place!
rpc3029 0
Yer the 1 thts s'posed to use them birth control pills
MickGold 8
127- I don't get anyone knocked up. I'm female.
silentbutfunny 0
It takes 2 to tango... Do i need to post this on every comment involving the blaming game?
roseXthorns 8
Take it like a man. You're the one who knocked her up... Hopefully.
silentbutfunny 0
It takes 2 to tango.
Pauxery 0
53 challenge accepted
kei1108 13
Or just "take it". Why does his gender need to be involved? But I do agree with what you're saying. :)
idontknowyou123 0
The 'like a man' bit in the sentence is nesscasiary. If some one was to give advice and they say just take it it will make no sense at all. Or will lead to many awkward situations. Its not being gender based at all. My lady friends say it to other women all the time.
Pentium_4 27
i know it's probably not completely her fault but damn at least you're trying man! she should appreciate that. at least you get the pop tarts to yourself. just have something to drink with it, i swear those things completely dry out your mouth instantly
xNephilim 19
Do you realize how much hormones affect people, especially raging pregnancy hormones? For a lot of women there's just no controlling it.
Da_Bauss435 8
He should just buy her strudels
Pentium_4 27
that's why i said it's not completely her fault