Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I've eaten two pieces of fruit, three crackers, and 3.5 glasses of juice. I've also vomited 3 times and peed myself once. Can someone please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again? FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, I'm seven weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't Cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up two hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML
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Top comments
idontknowyou123 0
Only one solution... FALCOOON PUUUUNNCH
GVirdi 11
36 I was thinking condoms
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Comments (282)
vcolvin 0
That sucks cause you were trying but in all honestly you got her pregnant and that's what you got to deal with. Just think about all the pain she has to deal with that you dont so I say you got the better end of the stick right!!?
OffToTheGayBar 9
Wrong. I'd go through any amount of pain to be waited on hand and foot for the better part of a year. No one rubs my sack and says, "Good on you, mate." :|
vcolvin 0
I seriously doubt you would. That is just stupid!! The point is that he got her pregnant and he has to be a big boy and deal with it since he decided not to use protection so No one should feel sorry for him!!
ajourdhui 0
Well, maybe you should put a condom on it next time!
TheLadyOpal 30
That was really thoughtful for you to think ahead like that - sorry it backfired this time, but I hope it only gets better from here. Good luck, OP!
tmarty 17
Come on guys, cravings are caused by what their body and the baby's body needs. It can change in a few hours. Just deal with it and thank God that you don't have to put up with the freaky changes to your body for 9 months.
babykillaseason 0
My name says it all...
capodanno 4
Before I knew I was pregnant with our daughter, I was a psychotic bitch and had no idea why. Those hormones are for real. I went batshit crazy on my hubby over plants for ***** sake. I repeat, pregnancy hormones are for real.
JadeWalker 14
YDI quit having kids. Nuff said
cheer153 0
Should have asked her first ;)
KendalKeller 3
Lame
THE_A_TEEN 28
Aren't you a debbie downer...
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Everyone's talking about the cravings and hormones but no one's mentioned how neither the husband or wife used birth control. If this is how the husband reacts to his wife's pregnancy, then obviously they weren't planning on having another baby, and therefore should have used birth control. OP, I'm sorry but YDI for not using birth control and for not asking what she wanted first. Just because she wanted pop tarts the first two times doesn't mean she wants them the third time. I guess you'll have to eat them if she won't.
Nitrogenica 6
hey guys apparently birth control is 100% effective now!! -_-
mangoqueen 8
Maybe they wanted the baby? Just because OP's tired of the hormones doesn't mean the baby wasn't planned.