Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I've eaten two pieces of fruit, three crackers, and 3.5 glasses of juice. I've also vomited 3 times and peed myself once. Can someone please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again? FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, I'm seven weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't Cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up two hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML
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Top comments
idontknowyou123 0
Only one solution... FALCOOON PUUUUNNCH
GVirdi 11
36 I was thinking condoms
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Comments (282)
mike3775 39
When a woman is pregnant, NEVER expect it to be the same as last time. My ex wifes multiple pregnancies all consisted of different cravings each and every time. My current wife, this is the second one with her and its totally different than the first.
downtime 13
STOP MAKING SO MANY BABIES...******* hell.
mike3775 39
If we want multiple kids and can easily afford to have multiple kids, why should we stop making them?
downtime 13
Obvious answer: more than one mother. You weren't ready - whether you were financially or not.
Plaasmaa 4
*Cough*MASSIVEOVERPOPULATION*Cough*
swampbilly 5
I had sweaty hammock sex with your wife
RainbowzSkittlez 6
Well, more poptarts for you!
GlitterBomb 5
Haven't seen Poptarts in the UK for ages! Craving them now haha :)
DoneItAll 0
Can I have a pop-tart?
gottageek 17
I believe this situation calls for the M.C. Escher (may be mispelled) room :D
kei1108 13
Im really sorry, but I have to say this: Deal with it. She is having a much worse time than you.
squarecircles 13
As long as she doesn't puke and scream at the same time. Then you might wanna call an exorcist.
beccalyn244 4
Ill take the poptarts
hamutaru 2
That was very sweet and considerate of u =)