Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I've eaten two pieces of fruit, three crackers, and 3.5 glasses of juice. I've also vomited 3 times and peed myself once. Can someone please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to get pregnant again? FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, I'm seven weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't Cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up two hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
idontknowyou123 0
Only one solution... FALCOOON PUUUUNNCH
GVirdi 11
36 I was thinking condoms
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (282)
YourFaceIs 0
LOL I'm thinking this one is a boy and the last two were girls or vice versa. With my son, I craved vegetables, lemons, and anything cheesy. With my daughter, I wanted fruity pebbles, pb&j, and honey buns, but vegetables made me gag just at the sight of them. lol You really never know. I feel for you though, but maybe hide for the next 8 months. lol Now I want an effing poptart at 4 AM! YOU BASTARD! Hahahaha
deequu 20
You don't know how to ask? Every time is different in some way. Jeez. I'd kill you.
muffinstump 0
Stop getting her pregnant...
perdix 31
Maybe you're not the dad this time (or maybe you weren't the first two ;) )
CptZoe 10
Give her a hit to the babymaker!
blink978 1
It was just one box eat them yourself.
cjhons 16
Really? F your life over this? It must be really hard for YOU. (rolls eyes)
roninvamp 4
You better tell her it's coat hanger-thirty and scrape it out
SammyS2012 21
For the people saying he should have used protection: they're husband and wife. Maybe they wanted children? He could want children but just fear the 9 months part. Honestly, I'm frightened of pregnant women and I'm a girl :(
vcolvin 0
Yeah you are right, maybe they wanted more children but why is he bitching if he knows how she gets when pregnant. He got her pregnant and needs to deal with it, just like she is gong to have to deal with getting fat, being uncomfortable and going through labor again he can take the emotions!! Nobody should feel sorry for him
spazz666 18
Hint number 1) don't ever do anything a pregnant woman doesn't tell you to do. You will get yelled at.