Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of four months. FML
Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML
Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
yamatelle 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
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Comments (132)
TheDrifter 24
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
DoubleDose 0
what's so bad about a poor old senile man dreaming about his pimping days. stop being a stuck up bitch and play along. he doesnt have much time left
fakeaccountX 6
You live next to Hugh Hefner?
SCREAM4meeee 0
Don't you consider him your boyfriend? That sounds like a bad relationship on your part OP.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Be careful, OP. He might chop your boobs off and superglue your eyes shut.
enonymous 9
Herbert the pervert went straight?!? What is the world coming to?
AndreKanaan 6
#26 you forgot to inform her not to scream if he does try anything... lmao
cruxx 0
Consider him single. Oh and woo 1000th comment for Enon
Kyzahhh 7
OP show him your sex is better than crispy bacon
seanders 10
Let him have his glory lol. He's in his 80s and doesn't have a long time left. If this makes him happy then so be it lol.
BagleHead 6
He's only 80, just bang him make him happy! He doesn't have much time left. Just play along, dont mind that he is stalking you, he is old. Old means you can do whatever you want!
kgray99 3
And he chose you out of every other girl in the neighborhood, so that's good....
enonymous 9
42 - I'd like to thank the academy. GLAAD, My Abs, Anal sex, ruffies, Nutella, high powered binoculars, vaseline, jergens, Keyman, hailphire, and every person on FML an lastly the big G-man in the sky
DrewsFML 8
Yeah sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up.
bitchslapped22 14
YDI
max_wilder 9
Act really slutty, all guys hate that
Jovecove 13
86 - that is if it can pop up.
ih82bl8 2
Marry him and take his money when he dies
6joe9 0
Bang him. He'll probably die. Die happy !
lifesuxalways12 0
She will give him a heart attack
ScarletBloom 14
Because you attracted to this kind of people.
ifknh8usernames 7
you seem to have hard time spelling? you sentences no make sense.
CryMoreFMLs 15
She's in Singapore, she might be new to the language...
ScarletBloom 14
What I meant was she attracts this kind of people.
Blueglasscup 18
Doubt it since most of Singapore speaks English. Even if it's in that damn accent...
whymee55 6
60. MMMmmmm...
krez 20
He's probably a nice guy.
SteveTheJanitor 6
Until he chops her up and puts her in a place where she will never be seen again...yeah, a real nice guy
SadinSherman 16
He is eighty
ThreeSheetsGone 12
18 to 80, blind, bald or crazy!
ikickgingers 15
Biz
farhil 14
nitch?
ikickgingers 15
"this goes out to all the ladies... 18 to 80. ... Blind crippled or crazzzzzyyy". It's from a biz markie song? Eff it nm.
KiddNYC1O 22
22- Like in a janitor closet?
22cute 17
Yeah, I don't think so. Hard as it is to believe unethical creeps get old right along with decent people.
krez 20
Thanks #104, I thought it was pretty obvious...
spacemanspiff78 7
Has he offered to host a tylenol pm eating contest yet?
hotPinklipstick 24
Sugar Daddy???
rayzer_fml 0
Lmao!!! XD
olpally 33
Uh-oh... Another pedobear on the loose... Run away fast op...
eradonnes 0
pedrobear
olpally 33
Haha 19... Pic and comment=win :D
IDrownOreos 0
Sounds like Hugh Hefner
SteveTheJanitor 6
What is it with people taking selfies of themselves shirtless...do they actually think they're going to pick someone up on here? They're just embarrassing themselves instead of making themselves look good
CryMoreFMLs 15
People like to make a miserable attempt to look "cool".
Andr913 13
Well, douchebags need love too.
hail_this_villai 0
Meh, the people who do it are desperate for attention and the people mocking it are usually jealous. Lose-lose.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I adore my unshapely body. Im not jealous in the least bit.
SteveTheJanitor 6
He changed his picture now...
IDrownOreos 0
Bitch.. Worry about yourself damn ******* no life
hannahmorgan06 7
what guy doesnt do that? chill out.
onedayinamsterda 14
dude's 80+, stalked every girl in the neighborhood and thinks Ur the creme de la creme, making u his "gf". it's a ******* compliment right there. take it the right way ;)
yamatelle 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
ikickgingers 15
^^ I see what you did there. :)
yamatelle 19
Oh hey there ikick, how is the van coming along? Children nowadays are smarter, aren't they?! It takes more than just lollipops to lure them in.
rattusrattus 19
The binoculars are for birdwatching, the tissues are because he has a cold, and the vaseline is so he can insert his suppositories. That's his story and he's sticking to it.
ikickgingers 15
Yamatelle - lollipops. Pfft. Sixlets and bacon wrapped snickers are better than roofies!!
fanceh 10
omg. bacon rapped snickers. start mass producing those and you'd be a millionaire within a year.
ikickgingers 15
Fanceh. You sweet little boy. I can show you where I keep the stash., walk with me to my van ;) ;) Works like a effing charm
fanceh 10
As long as you don't chop my boobs off, heck, I'm down. Lehhh go.
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0
haha. maybe he'll break up with you for another neighbor soon.