Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of four months. FML
Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML
Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
yamatelle 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
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Comments (132)
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0
haha. maybe he'll break up with you for another neighbor soon.
dj8798 9
don't worry. in 20 years he'll be dead.
eradonnes 0
u should take him to taco bell and leave him there >:3
THE_A_TEEN 28
I work at taco bell. Don't take him, I already had a problem with and old man there, dont need another...
AffrontedFetus 0
I consider you my girlfriend too. Nothing creepy about that is there?
xlil_miss_emo_x 6
Aww. He's probably lonely... just play along with him op. It might be fun. Lol. I don't think he actually thinks of you as his girlfriend... but then again... maybe.
SteveTheJanitor 6
Has he lured you into his basement yet with a bag of what seem like lollies but are probably not...
ikickgingers 15
What do you mean they aren't lollies?!?!!?! Wtf have I been su... Oooooh
HomeAl0ne 20
I also make my own confectionery. I usually offer a choice of 'gobstoppers' or 'all day suckers'. But my personal favorite is a little bag of vulvas made from different coloured candy. I call it 'clitorish allsorts'.
lakebitch01 0
I think a harsh break up would be the best way to end the relationship lol.
felah17 6
Yeah. That would give him a hearth attack! ; )
mistersheezy 7
And you were worried that no one loved you....
fthislyfe 22
Life lesson: Never underestimate old people
CherryBomb511 3
Ahh this happens to me all the time at work. I think all the old men that come in are sweet and innocent until they say or do something that crosses the line into Old Creeper territory. My advice to you OP is to run far, far away.
rattusrattus 19
I encountered one of those guys whilst lining up to pay at a register. He probably had grandchildren my age.
Rand_fml 0
Why is it the old people get a bad rap? BTW want some candy lil girl??