Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
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Top comments
Nudi_fml 13
Sounds reasonable
mnblkjpoi 0
That seems legit.
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Comments (212)
Nudi_fml 13
Sounds reasonable
DoubleDose 0
don't want to lose them boobs
ChrisLTC 3
She's right. I would. *He
SCREAM4meeee 0
Yeah she's right that's what I do when they scream.
jizzwold 21
And they always scream
yamatelle 19
19- So that's what you've been planning to do to me everytime you ask me to scream for you?! You ass.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Aaaahhh noooo! Don't cut my moob- erm... boobs off!!!
Kyzahhh 7
OP's mother has a very graphic imagination
BagleHead 6
If it comes to tht, i would start screaming at a really high pitch (echolocation) and beat him with my now detached boobs
SCREAM4meeee 0
22- yes, you figured it out :(
Po1ntBlank 0
lol i thought she was saying this actually happened
fanceh 10
Y U CUT BOOBIES?
bitchslapped22 14
She's right you know, the same thing happened to me :(
abbyelizabeth 9
Not all rapists carry on superglue, jeez.
abbyelizabeth 9
Not all rapists carry on superglue, jeez.
abbyelizabeth 9
Not all rapists carry on superglue, jeez.
neveragain234 1
my mom told my brother the same thing!!
kbobcat 0
A Mothers intuition is alway correct. :)
kbobcat 0
A Mothers intuition is alway correct. :)
whitesox365 0
As long as its protected you crazy kids do what pleases ya.
cranker08 10
aha
zuzupetalsYO 11
O.o
CHizzy963369 3
You never yell rape. You yell bonfire because no one wants to see a rape.
mnblkjpoi 0
That seems legit.
JayBear14 11
A lifetime original....
NotAPedo 0
'Tis true...
imaberry95 0
That is what I would do
alex1432 9
This fml is brought to you by Kobe Bryant condoms. The protection you want for the sex she doesn't.
NOWAYJOSE 14
Your mother knows best.
awagh666 14
Always carry a good book with you so you can read it while you're getting raped and the rapist can rape in peace and you dont lose them boobs. Win-win.
BloodMonger13 9
such a dumb comment
CryMoreFMLs 15
Such an obvious scream-during-rape person^^^. just accept it and get it over with.
thaCODgod 4
her mom is a dumbass
TheDrifter 24
And I'm sure the rapist will apreciate the peace and quiet for a change.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Is it bad that I thought about my ex-girlfriend when I read your comment? Seriously, a dead fish would've been a better lay. FML
DrewsFML 8
^^ and smell better too
ikickgingers 15
I got nothing. ... Wtf ?
perdix 31
I'm at a loss for words. Just thought you'd like to know. How do you get 3 thumbs up for "I got nothing?" I'll bet they are sniveling fingers trying to curry favor with you to avoid the inevitable kicking.
ikickgingers 15
I get thumbs down / threatening pm's for everything. :D Give it like...... An hourish? and it'll be -6, the world will be whole again perdix.
perdix 31
Gosh, Kicky, you've got charisma! For "I got nothing," you are +7. I work my balls off to try to be non-negative! I couldn't help but to put my thumb up you. I mean, for you.
TheTerenity 9
91 How about Strength, Perception, Endurance, Intelligence, Agility and Luck? Not just Charisma... You'll ruin S.P.E.C.I.A.L!
perdix 31
Aw, crap! You've already got wannabes (see #106). For the sake of all that is good and holy, Kicky, don't bring back the reverse FML! We worked so hard and lost many good folks killing that beast off. Don't make us do it again! Example: Today, I was raping this girl, but she lay there silent, so I had no excuse to cut off her boobs and superglue her eyes shut. FML.
ikickgingers 15
Perhaps... She saw your previous comment and decided she wanted a good old fashioned "thumbing"??
monkeywrench1 10
Check your Mom's eyes and boobs; she might just knows what she talking about.
somewizdom 15
Yeah and her dad's input might be useful as well
KaanTech 0
Well thats sucks to hear such thing from your mother op
oA_Fiasco 8
your mum must belong to #teamFREAKY
Justforlolz 14
The **** is this, Twitter?
Jdimp 1
this isn't twitter you fag
krez 20
I hate it when people believe stereotypes.
alstbv12 13
You're right. Not all rapists are sadistic bastards.
chelseaaababyyy 17
35 - i actually laughed out loud. rare when im reading comments (:
brookwick 0
I mean come on , some are quite friendly . I'm still friends with the one that molested me a month ago . His name is Paul. Were tight.
alstbv12 13
119- no. Just no. *smh
Mrmeatfold 2
You sir, are a ******* moron. :)
krez 20
Holy crap people, has the art of sarcasm been completely lost? Oh the humanity!
13FTW 9
145, you sir, are another ******* douchebag with the "lemme show off my abs on FML cause I'mma pick up dem hoes" mentality.
paparoachgirl 6
Yeah guys! Rapists need love too, now stop whining and bend over.
kablooey_01 3
wow.. she's a vivid thinker.. but is it okay to scream if the rapist decides to do those things anyways?