fanceh

Likely story

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

Mr Rogers

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML