Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
FreakingFYou 13
Merry Christmas!
MyPupRox 2
Since he was dressed up, maybe OP's daughter didn't know it was him. I'm sure she didn't want to intentionally hurt your feelings. Either way, I'm sorry:(
Urbanchiller 0
ask her why. and be the new dad she wants you to be.
rtjacobson 0
Ouch. That'd break my heart.
Burn1 0
Go home still dressed as santa. 'guess who your new daddy is!?' Then take the beard off 'Bitch'
juneashleighb 0
oh my gosh, that's terrible :'(
Blackmail111 9
I love how 69's name is kidtoronto and he's saying kids suck and also 69 remember you were a kid once
TheNewGuy03 29
As you know, an anagram for "Santa" is "Satan"! That means YOU, Mr. Hated Dad! Actually, as it turns out, a child hating their parent(s) can mean multiple things. It can mean that you're abusive (which doesn't seem likely from my point of view), or you could really be doing something right. Children can sometimes "hate" their parents if they don't get whatever they want. |the kid|
ambergurrxo 0
Don't leave that littler girl, that would be the worst thing that would make her hate you so much more. Just try to take her to fun places and stuff
noobcake111 2
Haha