Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
bananagrams 9
"what a coincidence, I want a new daughter!"
afulks78 11
Awe :( I'm sorry
crispy174 7
Ouch I feel sorry for you man
miZscrZee 0
Awwhh.)8
kaykay20 0
Did you ask her why she wanted a new dad?
jeob1992 8
Why is everyone saying aww is no one worried bout what could be happening at home?
FarSide 23
Exactly. Santa may be abusing the little girl.
asianbeezy_ 5
Or he might not be spending enough time with them. Or he mistreats the mom and the daughter might not like that.
IndigoAcrylic 9
I think it's more FML for the daughter than OP. For the child to think that, welll yaaa thier is obviously issues there if ya know what I'm saying..Ya?
IndigoAcrylic 9
And there is issues with my grammar and spelling . The iphone xD Sorry ^^
memob123 0
It's ok!
screamo_neve 12
No it's not.
wisese 0
Their. Their. Their. Look, I tried three times and my iPhone corrected "thier" automatically back to their. As for the difference between there and their...my brain took care of that one. Stop blaming the iPhone and autocorrect for your spellings errors, please. Simply admit the errors and move on.
murdersquirrel 15
Also, you got the 2nd 'there' right. Just sayin'. There ARE not IS
deviable 9
Chances are she's just mad at you about something at the moment, and doesn't actually hate you.
bananagrams 9
" but daddy! I wanted that one!" something along those lines
DocBastard 40
Maybe you misheard her and she said, "I don't know, Dad." Ugh...I feel dirty for making such a nice, kind-hearted comment. Make it stop!
IntoTheClouds 42
xD
THE_A_TEEN 28
Want me to take you out of your misery, Doc? Send me a blank check and i'll take care of you good.
causticgirl 6
Oh. So warm and fuzzy Doc. Whatever she said, it's obvious she knew Santa was really her dad.
ZebulonPike 8
Doc- you sorta remind me of Doctor House!
SpicyPeppers 1
Given that this is from France, that's not too likely. I can see getting them mixed up in English, especially whispered, but in French it would be the difference between "je ne sais pas, papa" and "je veux un nouveau papa"'.
nc21690 19
ouch kids say the darndest things