Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
jwade11 12
142----- yaaaaaaa........ You lost me!
dansco 25
And now she will get sod all for Xmas or she just is repeating what mummy said lol
skinflint 6
she knew it was you and was being a little shit. throw her a party for her next bday and dress up like one of the aquabats.
zenrael 21
New dad? How bout a new kid?
graham11 14
He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so don't be an ungrateful dick for goodness sake.
xxFroggyxx 6
You gotta love kids (:
brianod 0
did you get an erection?
beachybrunette 2
did your wife know that you were santa and if she did then?!? she most likely told your daughter to asj you that question
NoDuhBitch 2
Your daughter wants a new father for Christmas.
FaraPjJammaz 13
#1, what the hell do you mean by "kids these days"? There are always going to be some kids like this no matter what generation; not just a specific generation like OURS. What were the kids in your days like,huh?! I'm tired of every single person using that same line -"Kids these days"- whenever there's an FML about a kid misbehaving or acting up.