Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
ellietheginger 0
Thats so sad! She probs didnt mean it though.
2112mike 4
Sorry OP
shadowsun28 0
Yeah but when I was a kid I never asked for new parents that's harsh even for a kid, I'd call her out on it and ask what's up.
bubbywaldo 0
I agree, after all the usual FML comments about doing the same thing back, this is a wake up call for the dad. My husband became more of a workaholic as our younger daughter grew up, and they had less and less of a relationship as he only worked and watched tv. Then when he finally started having anger issues there was no relationship for us to fall back on. get going Dad and perhaps get family counseling.
jackeechan 10
Thats a time out
DalekScythe 0
Op, it depend how old she is. Maybe you did some little thing that upset her.
th3hardrocker 12
Those kids say the darnedest things don't they. Sorry mate
Booda13 0
That suck
lithiafaith 0
So I'm wondering how he deserves his little kid telling him that
n0way07 3
Some one isnt getting their wish this year :-P