Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
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Top comments
eminemop 0
Whisper back: "and I wanted a boy, but that didn't happen either."
doonerz 0
is she getting one?
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Comments (254)
w7cook 3
That's harsh. But I'm guessing she was just super embarrassed by you being santa.
StitchnLilo 24
Whos to say the girl knew he was santa?
katiekarnif 9
she didnt mean it! kids say silly things all the time. but agreed, that is a suckish moment!!
screamo_neve 12
You don't know if she meant it or not.
smilingj13 1
Tragic!!
mrz1177 11
She probably knew it was you ?!
Samuraixman 3
here comes the holiday depression
j_cat187 20
Yay, let's all drown our sorrow and misery in booze.
old09 11
Your daughter is the new child from Omen Hide Santa, hide
perdix 31
After giving those other kids boners and fingers, I'm sure she thought you were a worse Santa than Billy Bob Thornton.
nelsokev 6
She is a kid she doesn't know what she's talking about. let's not lie to ourselves we have all probably thought that at one point in our lives doesn't make it true.
akvandervort 21
Maybe she was just upset that you didn't come to the party with her. She probably wanted to spend time with you and didn't realize that you were in the Santa suit. Don't take personally. I'm sure she loves you very much.
kidtoronto 5
HAHAHA kids suck