Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML
Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML
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Top comments
suoerkewl 15
Your son seems like a moron.
vol4life 6
He needs to learn to hold his alcohol better.
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Comments (252)
suoerkewl 15
Your son seems like a moron.
lolfood 24
Wow, kids are staring really early now
iiTsAJ 5
Sounds like a party
zandalee 20
Jeez... Must of been something in the air last night. I did that too!!
zandalee 20
Wow! Must have been something in the air last night! I did that too.... Spooky
DuffleBagHero 4
YOLO !
happle 21
I would never steal my parent's alcohol, but if I did, I wouldn't take so much at once. At least build up a tolerance first...
forthelove82 7
Learned from the best...
hellaflushfa5 6
He doesn't want to study, he just wants to party.
hatesfate 6
31 - usually since birth
Idonebeenhad 17
...can't hold down two glasses?
Demonfish 14
He threw up from 2 glasses of wine? Seriously? It must have been some potent stuff, because that's the only explanation I can think of that doesn't involve the word "lightweight"....
urdirtyolduncle 15
He's on his way, that kid.
babygirl83150 8
Seems? More like is.
babygirl83150 8
Seems? More like is.
Danads 2
He's 14
crackz12 10
^^ right man i was an alcoholic by 14... Jk..but not really
missmurderx 8
On the bright side, maybe he's had enough now.
vol4life 6
He needs to learn to hold his alcohol better.
Barr3lR0ll 9
At 14 he shouldn't be drinking at all.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Well I (cough ) .... Started... (Looses balance) drinking.. (twitches) .. When I was (Pukes) 14 and I turned out alright (bllllaarrrfffff)
vol4life 6
-13 It is a joke. Chill dude
analisemarie 12
Or none of you guys have a sense of humor. Hell, I laughed. Come on.
ClassyCommando 13
The wee lad, he cannae hold his liquor!
DrJesse 10
He should've probably started with some bitch beer or something,cause he seems like a lightweight.
gantzlord 5
Perhaps he's not quite the lightweight everyones making him out to be, the way I took it was that OPs kid drank two normal everyday drinking glasses full of wine, with the cups I have that would be about half a bottle of wine.
MDTeddy 13
No, he needs to learn how not to be ******* stupid.
nessabbaayy16 0
He is only 14...
kyrosk91 6
Her name's Madison... Who the hell is this Kayla that she's so desperate to be? -sigh- I laughed at the joke. My first experience with alcohol was about that age. My dad let me try it...
blissmarie 6
#133 Because according to her bio, she only lives once......
murdersquirrel 15
Look out, she can and will be a bitch if you mess with her. First of all, why do you feel the need to "warn" people on FML of your bitchitude? What terrible behavior for a 14 year old girl. You should be ashamed, even if just for referring to yourself that way. Why so much pride in your entirely not unique ability to be something that people actually don't ever want around? If only you knew. It's a beautiful thing to grow the **** up. One day, Kayla/Madison. One day.
mpfau797 0
You miss seem like a bratty idiot. Sorry for being rude but I saw yolo and lost respect for you :). So I got the joke you must not see humor. Also what's up with the name. It should be I'mkaylaandimabitch
HeartOfLead 24
Please excuse me for pointing this out but, I THINK this can be considered "cyberbullying" (I HATE SAYING THAT WORD, I MEAN IT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS). But the BEST part of this is that I'm kind of forced to look down on you. This is mainly because a bunch of "grown-ups" or grown men/women are "beating on" this child for sounding 'STUPID' or like a 'BRAT' (just quoting you guys). Don't get me wrong though, I don' really intend to or didn't aim to defend her (she's not exactly correct in what she said). Besides, this is FML ONLY you're new here, I'd be understanding if you flipped because of the INFINITE amount of IGNORANCE SOME people spew on here (believe or not I've been reading posts, comments, etc. for about two years now, so I've seen people come and go and read/modded the most unforgivingly retarded things). This is just silly. [ I apologize for my poor grammar ]
suoerkewl 15
Usually when I hear some one say they drank a glass of wine I imagine wine glasses.
TheGewt 7
AA meetings start earlier now days.
Llamacod 11
11 a.m.?
TheGewt 7
Yep! In the new rec center down the street.
supersmeg12345 10
Ahhh kids, don't they know to take the plonk and not the good vino
Wiringify 22
I love your avatar.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
If it was red wine it would look like your son got killed on his bed.
PurpleCabbage 1
And had chunky, brownish red green, cheerio and Oreo filled blood? Yup...
happle 21
Assuming he never eats real food.
ladyLALAA 29
When I'm drunk I don't want normal food, I want chips and McDonalds haha.
Matty1188 6
I had a stomach bug the day after I'd had red wine with dinner. That's pretty much what it looked like.
Trisha_aus 15
Kids start way too early nowadays...
Metteris 0
Well, the legal age for drinking in Denmark used to be 15 (it's 16 now). So 14 isn't that far of in some countries. We have some kind of communion thing at age 13, and it's pretty normal to have a glass of wine or something similar. Not get wasted, but to have a "taste of adult life". :)
hatesfate 6
82 - the OP is in Texas not Denmark. Though still 14 isn't too early, if the child was 10 or so... Maybe...
TheDrudgeChild 4
Eh, I always think our legal age of 21 is ridiculous. Why not 18 like almost every other country on the planet?
Metteris 0
102, well obviously I know that, since I was comparing this situation with how it is in Denmark (my country) by saying that 14 isn't far from the legal age in SOME countries. But I guess you didn't understand my comment then. Should I explain any further?? Anyway, I totally agree with people saying the legal drinking age in the US should be changed. Not that it affects me, but it's just such a ridiculous law that will never teach young people how to drink responsibly. An on the topic of Denmark. It's been ranked the best place to live, happiest place on earth and so on, on numerous occasions - so I think it's fair to say that the low legal age for drinking hasn't harmed us.
Shelta957 13
^ I thought it was Norway... Or Im proabaly just dumb
puppytaco64 8
123, I thought that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth
Benchyface 11
126, You're not dumb, just Danish derp not getting her facts straight, because it's Norway, not Denmark. Denmark on the other hand is topping the percentage of alcoholics in Europe. ~
shuzuko 2
I had my first shot and first mixed drink when I was 13. It was a family function; I had several people watching over me and directing me to drink lots of water and watch how fast I was drinking my alcohol. I had fun and got a bit of a buzz, and got to learn, safely and first-hand exactly what alcohol was like and how to drink it responsibly. It's now 11 years later and I've never once been blackout drunk or done anything stupid while drinking. OMFG so a kid had alcohol at 14. His parents were probably treating it like some sort of horrible taboo, and that's why he felt the need to sneak a bunch of it. If the US weren't so damned backwards, treating alcohol and sex like the ******* devil while glorifying violence, maybe we would have more happy people and less wars.
angela3825 1
Luckkyyyyy!!!!
zachherbert 10
I agree that the age for drinking in the US should change. Young men and women can serve our country and fight for our freedom before they can legally enjoy a cold beer? Ridiculous.
Danads 2
You should get your facts right you dont know what your talking about czech drinks the most alcohol
skitzofunia88 8
Ahh this really brings me back
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Lol your picture makes me think that your talking really far back.
ydi_4_suking 20
This dude knows how to party. He made water turn into wine. Goddamn
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
37 Jesus Christ! Is there actually a guy that could do that? Could you tell me what his name is and where I can find him?
Webslinger66 10
Never in the bible does it say that Jesus wasn't a raptor.
stepht91 0
Sounds like he has a very promising future ahead of him. You should be proud.
luckyd880 12
Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents should be so proud they brought you up to be so judgmental....kids do stupid stuff. Doesn't mean he's a bad egg.
xgetxbentx 13
...really? The kid puked off two glasses of wine and was drunk enough to sleep in it. I think it's safe to say he won't be much of a drinker.
StarWolf111 21
Kids these days...
fuckmebutdontfml 16
why do people keep saying "kid" his a ******* teenager, yeah he should know better if you have actually talked to him about alcohol consumption, before if not YDI, but anyway if you did and he still wants to act like an "adult" then treat him like one! it worked for my parents
happle 21
OP's son shouldn't be treated like an adult because a matte adult would not steal from someone, especially their parents.
Sannekee 18
An adult would steal, look at the prisons. Treat him like an adult, don't go and hide or lock the alcohol now, just show him consequences when he takes something that isn't his to take!
StarWolf111 21
50 - I'm almost 14... A lot of people consider 14 year olds kids.
BAMF223 4
Those people are wrong.
Grimmerie 31
Force him to drink an entire bottle on his own. He'll get sick as balls and want to avoid wine. I hope you didn't clean up his bed for him.
TheMathMajor 26
I wouldn't do that, the kid could die of alcohol poisoning.
LouisianaBob 9
As someone who doesn't always throw up from drinking too much I can vouch for this being a god awful idea that could kill her son.