Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
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Top comments
Bearsmomma 30
Could've =could have (not could of)
TheBastarDino 2
Its been high 30s for the last 2 weeks where i live you get sick of it quick. I live in South Australia.
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Comments (14)
bruhhhhhhh 14
What an ash hole... no? Ok you're right that was terrible
The_Sexomancer 11
Eh, it wasn't great. I don't mind a bad joke here and there. It's the overdone bad jokes that get to me.
Tripartita 45
The butterfly effect is called to mind—owing its name to the notion that the characteristics of a hurricane can be influenced by the tiniest atmospheric perturbations (like butterflies flapping their wings) weeks earlier. It extends to other meteorological phenomena besides hurricanes. I guess I'm trying to say that you should kill as many butterflies as possible to keep ash off of your face.
brenton490 19
Could of been worse...and ended up in your beer!
Bearsmomma 30
Could've =could have (not could of)
RichardPencil 32
I've heard of the dangers of second-hand smoke, but I've never heard of second-hand ash. Ok, I have heard of second-hand ash, but I thought that person had a speech impediment and was talking about sloppy seconds.
jessicasoho 13
It's minus 12 C here. I wish that was me. So cold.
LatterDaySaint 12
Colder is better, because you can always put on more than you can take off. Besides people tend to complain when your down to your skin in public. :P
somelildude 14
That's true , but also when it's colder people are most exposed to getting sick. I know no one enjoys getting sick. I personally hate the cold because it's kills the drive to do anything outside if your not use to it.
TheBastarDino 2
Its been high 30s for the last 2 weeks where i live you get sick of it quick. I live in South Australia.
species4872 20
Interesting, since you cannot smoke in pubs, clubs, hell everywhere indoors in New South Wales.
cootiequeen4444 11
sea breezes don't tend to be indoors...sooo...
LonelyAngel22 13
If its a pub with an outdoor area, then you can smoke. The "sea breeze" indicated OP was outdoors, like in a beer garden or on a balcony. My local pub has a smoking area out the front.
KrazyKatz3 26
He said "at" not "in" could have been outside tables