Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, my five year-old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side, so I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML
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Top comments
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
Talk to him when he's sober.
The_Hitdude 12
Is that a serious question? OF COURSE she would rather him vomit on the floor. Have you ever cleaned puke out of a fish tank? Doesn't sound quick-and-easy, does it?
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Comments (175)
saintsrocksocks 10
Would you of rather him vomit on the floor?
Rinat_fml 26
Poor fish, who would like such an ambush? :(
The_Hitdude 12
Is that a serious question? OF COURSE she would rather him vomit on the floor. Have you ever cleaned puke out of a fish tank? Doesn't sound quick-and-easy, does it?
gracehi 33
I take it you speak from experience, 14. ;)
Pentium_4 27
the bottom feeder will feast tonight
Faqtha 0
Eh. Well that does suck. Better make him clean it. SAVE THOSE FISH!
Pentium_4 27
*double post*
RaggleFrock 13
Feed him to the fishes *Godfather theme tune*
saintsrocksocks 10
Haha if you vomit in a tank you just quickly put on gloves, get a net and get fish out, then dump out tank. I understand you tho 14.
hothotxx 0
That's fishy.
beach_babe89 11
Duh. He or she could of cleaned the floor easily. Now the fish will most likely die AND she will have to clean the whole tank
willisawesome 0
Superhero movie anyone?
Inheritance 10
Bright side don't have to feed the fish for awhile(;
AnEvilLemon 9
That's exactly what I was thinking!
cookeemonster 7
72- op is a guy
RawEndo 1
You make cali look bad
AFCA020 4
F the fish's life!
01sparkly 15
That would be much easier to clean up
01sparkly 15
That would be much easier to clean up
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
Talk to him when he's sober.
biggestfan23 11
I hear the parties in Belgium are insane.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Very on topic, 17.
bitch_pleez 10
I think OP definitely got through to him.
dazzyboy 1
34- do you mean 19?
AwkwardPartyBear 24
#41 My mistake, yes I meant 19 :).
boofgall 16
34- it's somewhat on topic, the boy came home obviously wasted from a party, in Belgium.
yupitssoph 18
Exactly! I mean, her son wasn't exactly in the state of mind to have a reasonable talk about what happened. What she should've focused on was making sure that he was ok. The morning is for lectures.
BuhZinga 2
An interesting phenomenon, quite a few commenters (myself included) initially thought of OP as female though he is in fact male. I wonder if this is due to the manner of grammar or the situation itself.... Anyone else think OP was a woman when first reading it?
cantthinkofawitt 0
I did! And agreed OP, lecture him while a 7ft wrestler is jumping in that railspike in his head!
Daederoth 10
More like, beat the shit out of that little prick before he ends up in prison. What a little bastard. You give home hell when he sobers up.
starbucksguy 16
"Try our new fish food...now with added carrots!"
Riley97 0
With added beer...
bling87 0
I highly doubt he threw up from eating carrots...
starbucksguy 16
I was implying that every time you throw up, there're carrots in the puke...
ByronJess 17
Not if you haven't eaten carrots...
phatdaddy62 23
Oh for ***** sake people, shut up!
j_cat187 20
#3 I want your shirt
iamabamf 17
Make him clean the tank. **** the fishes lives.
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
What if you were the fish? How would you feel? Animal abuser.... **** your life.
BeccaHugs 17
I think 4 meant that this FML should be meant for the fish, because they're the ones who have to suffer. 18 read it properly next time and don't be so quick to attack everybody.
TheGreatAlexande 12
Fish's... Sorry that one really bugged me.
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
I ment what I said.
ihaveFMLfeverr 5
Oh I get it! It took me a while. Sorry 4! :)
DontModMeDammit 10
Think the sickness from the drinking is punishment enough.
Kazakuya 3
The sickness is only the beginning of the punishment in my book. He's in for faaaar worse.
DontModMeDammit 10
Drinking is not a big deal if done responsibly, obviously the son was not, but now I bet he will be a lot more careful on the amount he drinks. If it becomes a habit then more punishment should follow.
siickman 7
No responsible would have been following his dads wishes ... Everyone has their drinking limit and maybe he only had one but his body can only take one before going drunk ... Drinking isnt really responsible anyways..
TheMysticSilas 0
I hope you never have kids because that was just awful advice.
PaulB123 11
79-just to clarify, are you saying any/all types of drinking is/are irresponsible?!
FreaksandGeeks 5
16- I'd say that if the son is young enough to live with his parents and have to sneak out to a party, he probably shouldn't be drinking.
TheMathMajor 26
79, I was with you up until that last statement. Drinking in and of itself is not irresponsible. EDIT: I just noticed that you said it isn't responsible, which I guess is true. Never mind.
ohmandapants 17
118- I'm old enough to drink in Canada, but I'm still young enough to live at home. I still have to abide certain rules...so...what you just said isn't really true.
nadnerbz 6
More like F the fishes life, imagine if someone just vomited all over you
doctorhook86 25
And then you died because your fragile habitat became too acidic for you to survive in.
laden_swallow09 35
Not just ON you, but vomited in your very air. You'd have to BREATHE that puke!
DiruKitty18 8
Make him drink it clean, that would teach him lol. No but seriously I hope he gets a decent punishment.:)
yoyoforpeace 14
I think his hangover will teach him a lesson.
DeviousAngel 13
Hangovers don't stop any of the people I know from getting drunk again.
TheGewt 7
I don't get them!;)
laden_swallow09 35
124 - I call bull. I've blacked out from excessive drinking once and woke up with no headache and only mild nausea, but NEVER getting hung over? Difficult to believe.
gracehi 33
He feeds your fish for you and all you do is whine. How ungrateful of you. Tsk tsk.
mike3775 39
Send him to bed, and then hide all the aspirin, then in the morning, wake him up making as much noise as possible. Trust me it works