Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
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Top comments
Radix 3
It was me, sorry :)
linkinpark98 24
Maybe you're just considered really attractive by the ghost who owns the fruit section. ;)
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Comments (199)
Radix 3
It was me, sorry :)
comedybreak 20
O.o hit and run? I'm trying this *me gusta face*
iiTsAJ 5
Maybe it was yourself o.O
Cad6 24
Well, You didn't have to do it "viciously". That just makes it sound disturbing.
Priscilla43 2
that sucks ass.
bitch_pleez 10
I think it slaps ass, actually
JayJaysGirl 0
Damn horny ninjas
xcarxcrashx 9
He liked your melons.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I thought melons were considered boobs
Exodus9 10
They are 95 is just dumb
SmoshFan6 0
Watch out, those tomatoes are feisty.
bearnblue 0
It actually was me >;)
rdrr 2
Did you call T.A.P.S. ?
NoisyButters 7
Apparently it must taste pretty good.
williamh327 5
Or it was... Dementia!!!! Dun dun dun!
idntwannaknow 3
One time I thought this kid was poking me, so I told him to stop multiple times... Turns out my shirt tag was just in a weird position haha.
ajeppsen 25
We need this for first cooments. Lol hit n run.
mikeofthunder 13
107- she's not eating it, but licking it.. Like the woman who does reviews with, I think, IGN? Makes me want to play x-box more actually
m0hami01 2
Little people are so sneaky.
NoisyButters 7
168 - I hope you know that not all girl gamers lick their controllers while playing games...only the ones who want attention.
ImDaBes 6
183 - Well its working
alitairi 18
says the girl with a picture of a ds in her mouth...
linkinpark98 24
Maybe you're just considered really attractive by the ghost who owns the fruit section. ;)
X_Codes 11
Or a Jedi. You know, that whole "no emotional bonds" thing...
cheaptrix 6
Or the fruit ninjas
trollfaced 2
Or the ghost casper
Webslinger66 10
Paranormal Activity.... Grocery store setting this time
SkoomaKi 28
Take it as a compliment! Although lock your doors and windows when you get home...
obviousboy 8
Locked doors an windows do not stop ninjas.
zachherbert 10
Looking behind doesn't help either. Just remove your ass.
Sixers01 0
I may be exagerating just a bit but, I swear you're one of the first ten in every single ******* recent FML.. I think it's time to get some sunshine buddy..
anzie_fml 9
141- if you took time to read all of their comments, or at least recognize that they've commented a lot, you may also be "in need of sunshine". Jussayin.
SkoomaKi 28
141 - You want to know how I comment in the first 10 a lot? I can't, it's a well guarded secret! Oh, I want to see the sunshine but my studies stop me going outside.
daytoday21 10
Yea...take unwanted violent sexual contact as a compliment. What a ridiculously inappropriate thing to say.
jillianmathers12 13
Probably teenage boys trying to make you think that you are crazy!
Cad6 24
Yes. That's definitely what happened.
domking1315 20
How would they do that
Cintia07 7
I don't see many teenage boys at the grocery store, but I see a little kid playing that trick.
The_Hitdude 12
Oh, it was just teenage boys? Phew! Glad perverts and potential gropers were ruled out! Now I can go back to streaking at the mall! Thanks 5!
swisher_swishin 3
My first thought was a midget.. She would see a teenager
KriiFahMoro 9
Teen midget maybe?
btstig 11
Maybe it was a cucumber giving you a little foreplay.
LadyLol_fml 15
Sorry Honey, it may have been my ninja self ;)
ninjaboy18 6
Noor is more of a ninja than I am.
KaelaKhaotic 5
I ran too fast for you to see me. Sorry about that. ;]
adriandba94 2
Lol
kingsley_fml 8
Maybe it was the assparagus.
ydi_4_suking 20
The assgrabagus
KeyboardWarrior 10
Asslapigus? Never mind, sounds like a bad casserole.
ClosetTroll 10
Be glad it wasn't the butt-slashing psychopath!
linkinpark98 24
Or the Hash-Slinging Slasher! (SpongeBob reference.)
ClosetTroll 10
"And then, one night, while he was cutting the patties, it happened!"
GODert 8
Its the hash slinging slasher. Its a spongebob square pants reference.
LSS_fml 18
Nothing gets past you 120
atrix821 2
Or the the-rapeist
GODert 8
Its was the hash slinging slasher. Its a spongebob square pants reference.
MsMeiriona 2
I thought they determined that was just mass hysteria, the whole crowd panic thing.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
It was the jewpacabra!