Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds like a fair payment.
Soloman212 28
Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (282)
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds like a fair payment.
whiteboy7thst 2
Especially if that was your booze.
HyundaiOwner7 0
I'd have given her 2 bottles at least...
tpreston 0
umm..... maybe it wasn't your son
stfuitscindeeeh9 3
I bet she was...pissed.
PurpleRae420 0
Hahaha your son is ****** awesome! Yah I agree that's her payment that and getting drunk what an idiot
EvilPotato 15
where did she get the booze and how old is the son?
FYLimhoYDI 0
so I've decided that whenever #19 chimes in, I get a migraine. why must you put your idiotic 2 cents in every fml? your picture creeps me out and your thoughts are just plain retarded!
bbucaro98 0
she must have been "piss" drunk
urdirtyolduncle 15
Has anyone tired the new Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey?
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
ha
nymetslover 1
def does
CeciliaSaldana 0
OP should be worried about her son, not the babysitter.
adrianblackett 0
no 19 is a hazard to FML
Mahomie123 0
sound sketchy
caaamilleeee 0
damn 83 you're an asshole! why be such a jerk? honestly who cares if he feels the need to reply to everything. really. that's why fml allows you to comment things, so if you feel the need to, you can!
The_Weirdo 10
What a Sticky situation.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
this isn't a free county!
eponina 0
I'm pretty sure the OP is worries about the son that's why it's a FML
ashtin85 0
I didnt know ke$ha was a part-time babysitter?
ravensunnyd 0
you'd figure shed be happy her son peed on her she deserves it
BJ94 0
It was Ke$ha wasn't it?
phatdaddy62 23
Let me guess 141, you're British, right?
Feklfekl2222 32
187-what does being British have to do with it. you racist prick
awardZu 0
195, YOU are the reason you dropped out of high school. You can't blame anybody but yourself, and attempting to only shows that you are a childish person who can't accept responsibility for your own actions. Grow up. Or play in traffic, whatever is easier.
dragon0000 7
yea but she ment when her son peed on her that would be good enough
IscoreOnU 19
Shit maybe the babysitter fell asleep. And the evil child put it there and peed on her.
hraine 0
141 used the word 'asshole' if she was British we generally say arsehole instead.
ipwnlosers 4
Wait, if you play on traffic, you won't get killed... You'd just be an idiot playing in traffic... Cuz cars are going slow in traffic. Nvm, just a thought.
waterboy14 7
creeepeeeerrrr
jenjen0146 7
thank you!!! I totally agree and just left a really long nasty comment about that. seriously who gives a shot about the drunk babysitter...that was her child left unsupervised. what if the kid got hurt or even drank what was left of the booze in her lap??!! wtf lady if your fml is simply about the child peeing on her then you are unfit to be a mom.
brandy_Dandy78 0
adda kid(:
la6437 0
What's wrong with that, arsehole?
GravityGoesUp 1
Silly pun hehe 0.0 High five your son!!
GigaB 0
first
Takador 3
Stupid babysitter's doing it all wrong, youre supposed to brush your teeth with Jack Daniels not drink it -.-
ImaWiseGuy 5
jack Daniels and r. Kelly videos, sounds like a successful night babysitting...
HannahBanana290 0
u
Soloman212 28
Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Definite territory mark! xD
volley4eva1698 0
everyone has their own way of babysitting...at least she got the kid to sleep!
volley4eva1698 0
owh wooww my bad haha sorry:/
HeavyScout 0
That kid is a child of Charlie Sheen.
kameryn25 3
I was thinking more like R. Kelly.
tree07 1
Sounds like the kid got drunk too..... Drunk people tend to piss in the craziest places
futtbuck101 1
She deserved it
johnson94 5
your son deserves a prize! classiest thing ever!
GabbyCharityM 0
I feel like the babysitter should be posting this. Not you.
zapworth 0
today, I was babysitting drunk and a kid peed on me. fml.
hidrox94 5
Wait, the kid peed on me?! Crap. Sorry about drinking it all, btw..
awesomegirl2s98 1
Lol. And that's why u smell like pee!!! :)
montressa_FML 0
she deserved it
bengermin 5
Diapers, lady. They'll help.
zapworth 0
be glad it was only pee.
amanda_d95 9
only?!
shibainu519 0
good thing he didn't go number 3 on her... *shivers*
eradonnes 0
TOUCH HER BOOOOOOBS!!!~__~
mrahhhhh 21
Geez pal, reading too much into that comment, huh?
NickCassell 2
What if it's a dude...?
KiddNYC1O 22
What's underage?
OnlyAFeckWanker 0
If it's a dude, tickle his nipples like theres no tomorrow!
KiddNYC1O 22
126- Clearly female.
eradonnes 0
i was kidding...u dick
Livinia 11
it's funny how #8's picture suits their comment so well.
phatdaddy62 23
126 - then touch his boobs!
Bano360 25
78- Too long, didn't read.
FunwithBumperCar 0
Hence the pedobear picture? You shouldn't be taking this too seriously.
aardvarks 0
well, he could peed on everything else, be glad it was her.
awesomegirl2s98 1
That sucks. Fire that alcoholic!
mememe4 0
love your pic