Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
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Comments (208)
gracehi 33
**** you HORMONES! You're a crazy bitch HORMONES!
Caretaker21 4
Oh Knocked Up lol good movie :)
pdxtrent 0
This is what divorce is for. This behavior is unacceptable, and she knows it, but she has the excuse of pregnancy hormones to hide behind. Bullshit, she's a manipulative ****.
chenry1 4
You are a ******* idiot.
gracehi 33
Yes, it's perfectly reasonable for him to divorce his heavily pregnant wife because she had one hormonal episode. I'm sure the judge will side with him and not slap him with huge alimony and child support payments.
coried91 28
Yes because a divorce while being 8 months pregnant will be good for their child. I think he would care about his baby AND wife enough to let it slide. If you're married or ever get married then I feel bad for your partner.
desireev 18
I'm not going to rant.. I'm only going to ask you WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??? If you're married, I feel absolutely terrible for your wife and children!
isis_morrigan 18
You are a complete douche! Until you have a fetus inside of YOU, and experience all the hormonal changes, you have no right to say a damn thing! I pray you have the joy of experiencing a kidney stone, as that's the closest a male can get to childbirth.
desireev 18
61- And kidney stones don't even come close to childbirth! This guy is a freakin' tool-box! You tell 'em girl! :)
muggle_born 6
number 39, are you an idiot?
msherriffs 1
And your excuse would happen to be the fact that two cousins decided to throw common sense to the wind, fornicate, and the result being an ignorant prick such as yourself? I'm sure you're skilled in the ways of pregnancy, and purely speak not out of context, but from actual experience.. ****
kimono_fml 17
Clearly you have never had a serious gf and don't understand what hormones do to a female
chenry1 4
66- yes he is.
anarchistpunk 3
The ****? Wow, you're a dick. "oh shit dude, you're gonna have a kid and your wife's hormones are crazy. You better leave her." thats pretty much what you said. Asshole.
happilyever2012 6
Well at least you know you love her!(:
blaqqdiamonz0815 3
Why did she do that???
coried91 28
She's pregnant. Is it really that hard to figure out?
isis_morrigan 18
Hormones, plain and simple. Pregnancy induced insanity!
KiddNYC1O 22
You have to excuse certain people...
ROSEisAmazing01 4
That wasn't very nice! :D
kei1108 13
I don't know her or anything, but she may be faking and using her pregnancy as an excuse. But some women are legitimately depressed when going through pregnancy.
desireev 18
You got down to specifics, didn't you? Your comment was very vague. And it covered about, ooooh let's say about 100% of all pregnant women! Congratulations!
pwiseman 6
Being pregnant is no permit to become a fat whale. She should eat less.
HolyPotato 9
Stfu, please.
coried91 28
You're a huge idiot.
isis_morrigan 18
Other than the fact that she has a fetus inside her! Besides, even if you only gain the recommended weight, (I did), you still feel like a whale towards the end!
desireev 18
Your name is pwiseman. Your comment is not wise at all! Eat less while you're pregnant... Hhhhmmmmm..... Yeah! That's a fan-*******-tastic idea! Starve yourself while you're pregnant just because some prick on FML says that being pregnant is no excuse to be a fat whale and the pregnant woman should eat less! Yeah! Starve yourself AND your unborn child to fit the image of some tool-box on FML. I mean, c'mon! He's a man! He totally knows what's going on! And his name is pwiseman! He is smart! He knows what he's talking about! Women! Do NOT listen to this asshole unless you want to starve your child and have your baby taken away from Child Protective Services!
kimono_fml 17
How retarded. the important thing is to eat HEALTHY FOODS for the baby, not eat less. I feel bad for whatever child you parent
JuuChan 3
LOL, it's funny how everyone is taking this comment so seriously. He's OBVIOUSLY being facetious. C'mon, people!!
RedPillSucks 33
Eat less? And mess with the health of the baby? Where you home schooled?
1mystery10 0
Hormones pal. Hormones.
JustDerpin 11
da fuq?
JuuChan 3
Looks like you're gonna be the hot topic of discussion at the water cooler this week.