Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
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Comments (208)
b0ngs 7
It's just the hormonesss.
HolyPotato 9
I think we've got that.
happy2468 21
Really?...
Sinamoi 18
Is 15 a snake?
ProhibitionRose 14
Nope just a parcel tongue
77777771 12
Awe don't worry she knows you love her she's just hormonal. After all, she is 8 months pregnant.
desireev 18
She's going through alot right now, OP. Physically and mentally. Forgive her actions! It'll all be over soon! Take care of that precious baby! Good luck! :)
Timmeeh 17
<George Bluth>Never promise crazy a baby!</George Bluth>
Timmeeh 17
Clearly no Arrested Development fans to be found here...
simpleman124 1
Haha awesome
obviousboy 8
Hormones. Gotta love 'em.
TrentF13 12
I think that's kinda cute to get to see someone go completely nuts over something they are so sad about. Obviously you must love her to death to still be with her. Even after that... Episode.
alexup24 13
you're a almost there buddy, almost...
hateevryone 15
it's almost that time. hang in there.
Tiecho 4
Bitches be crazy
Llama_Face89 34
Took the words right out of my mouth.
NOOBSQUAD 0
Woody's gamertag!
Meme1988 18
Its hormons buddy, and the idea of herself that she is fatter now, give her hugs, lots of them.. That will keep you safe :) one more month to go