Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
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Comments (208)
arvale8802 1
Aww she just doesn't love herself bc shes a fat whale
anarchistpunk 3
Just give her rap her in your arms and kiss her dude. Shes pregnant, what are you going to do? Get mad at her hormones?
anarchistpunk 3
I love that name. Even though i disagree with your comment, respect bro. Mad respect.
XxDancerGirlxX 17
My sister, my aunt and my friend all recently gave birth. None of them acted like thus during their pregnancy. I'm gonna adopt. Save a kid and my womanly parts (;
KrayKrayGurl117 7
I feel your pain OP but I couldn't help but laugh at this FML cause I could just picture the whole situation in my head.
greenmen 12
Just kiss and hug her and say I love you and I couldn't call because busy at work. Remember to bring flowers the next day
theprime21 8
You poor poor man.
crazyblackchick 0
Nooo, Shamoo, baby! I love you! Would some fish calm you down?
sierraguy 0
ahh hormones gotta love em...I feel ur pain op
Rasetsu 10
Pregnancy hormones make us women pretty crazy. But hey, look on the bright side: for the next 18 years you'll have a child to deal with instead of your wife! But seriously, she'll calm down.