Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
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Comments (208)
rebelliousshroom 12
YDI for marrying such an idiot.
crissaay 0
Lmao!
dess6894 3
I know a Man who papoosed to his now wife of 20 years with a ring he made out of a Dollie
chamblizi 2
Gotta love that thats your crazy women YOUR LOVING crazy women lol she is holding your family :P
Keahi 6
Lol to be a fly on the wall when that went down!
ihatemylife10000 0
Mood swings....
iLoveFamilyGuy 7
you should've called her earlier, or talked to her before work
BenTaz 7
Pregnancy hormones can be a bitch. All good tho, it'll pass :)
awkward_gothlady 32
Blame the hormones, and don't take it personally. She'll probably be more reasonable once the baby is born and sleeping through the night.
ILoveZombieBoys 13
::mother of god face::