Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML
Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She's been telling everyone I'm the baby's father. My current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
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Top comments
ajilon7 17
Wow, sorry to hear that OP. Hope your wife figures it out lol
SMHsohard 22
Can't resist-*legitimately
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Comments (137)
ajilon7 17
Wow, sorry to hear that OP. Hope your wife figures it out lol
americanafrican 32
get her a math tutor
hamrtym 15
Most likely she's thinking he cheated.
surranger 19
i wonder what gave that away!?
vikky538 29
hopefully both the wife and ex figured it out at same time...that would be even better
percabeth_love 3
your profile picture is life.
Danise_123 9
i feel bad for the baby. hopefully it gets his/her sense from the father.......who ever he is .-.
DrMario_ 16
I'm sure she'll come to her senses sooner or later. Let's just hope she doesn't take it too seriously.
annarcheer 19
I mean maybe your wife thinks you might have cheated? you honestly never know what goes threw her mind but I'm sorry your ex is a total idiot! I hope you guys get threw this. stay strong!
GodPart2 20
It's "through", not "threw", for heaven's sake...
tbro47 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ah the grammar Nazi`s are out in full force today. The world would be a much better place if you only used your supreme grammatical skills against people who are being total douche nozzles. It's perfectly fine to let the ones who are only making a statement pass now and then. Just a suggestion.
americanafrican 32
I agree... sometimes the phone screws it up, or we just legitly cannot spell.
SMHsohard 22
Can't resist-*legitimately
annarcheer 19
#13 sorry I can't impress everyone. no need to be so salty calm down I wasn't trying to write an English paper. have a great day!
nightbirdblue 27
#31 the best way to avoid making those mistakes on English papers is to not make them a common practice in the first place. You wouldn't need to change up your language just to write a paper that won't have a thousand red marks, if you went through the effort of actually typing words correctly when you type every day.
nightbirdblue 27
Plus isn't the whole point of posting a comment to communicate your thoughts or feelings? If you want to communicate, you should always use the best language for the situation. FML is a place that poor spelling and grammar is looked down upon. To communicate here, you need to be correct in those things. (missed the edit time)
1dvos_grl3 21
oh the irony..
tbro47 23
I think some people miss the point though. Sure fml is a place to express your views, so why does everyone have to express them with the same grammar. What if English isn't their first language. Wouldn't you find it embarrassing to consistently be reminded of the fact that your grammar isn't up to par. It's fine if you're just trying to help someone out but most people now constantly harp on grammar as a way to belittle others. Not saying that's necessarily what's going on, but it could be misconstrued in that way.
annarcheer 19
#35 I get what you are saying and I made one mistake and he was very rude about it. he could have just pointed it out instead of being all "oh for heavens sakes". yes I used the wrong word for it. calm down people.
verysmarmy 11
35 - you mean 'threw the effort'?
NoMapToBuy 14
You people make me sick! Honestly, as long as it conveys a message, who cares ffs!! Who do you even think you are to someone else ...
tantanpanda 26
Please don't blame the phone for making your mistake. Albeit the phone will change a slightly misspelled word into something completely wrong, the phone does not change "through" to "threw". Also, that "oh, I'm not writing an English paper" thing is really old. Whether or not you're writing an English paper or an FML, when is it fine to use the wrong word for what you're trying to convey to the reader? Plus, correcting someone's spelling isn't as bad as correcting the whole sentance because it's in two diferent tenses. People are free to post as they please; If people are going to post about relation advice then people can post grammar advice. Who knows, maybe you might learn a thing or two from a Grammar Nazi. rant done.
Zebediabolical 45
I can't resist either... 'Nazis'. There's no ' in Nazis.
tbro47 23
#50 sentence*, different*, relationship advice*, grammatical*.
annarcheer 19
lol dang
aabbccddeeffmmll 6
OMG, just shut the **** up
R2Y2 22
You know what they were trying to say, pull the stick out of your ass and move on.
aliciabaird1269 11
With all the ranting you are doing about others taking the time to use the correct grammar you could at least take the time to spell sentence correctly.....
BlindlyWandering 17
#50 "sentence" ;)
I_eat_hearts17 9
I'm no grammar specialist but I'm pretty sure one should start off a sentence with a capital letter. Especially when ranting about the exact subject. :-)
I_eat_hearts17 9
#35
letmehavemytea 21
Honestly shut the **** up you absolute dick *****. Who cares??? Literally who cares? Is it fun insulting other people's intelligence for no reason other than it making you feel better than yourself? Does it make up for you being made fun of in high school or something like that?? Stop being pretentious little ***** and calm the **** down for once.
Bidnitch 3
What a funny fml though, right
Armygirl93 10
I hope your wife decides to trust you. im sorry that happened
WOTAN1488 24
Dimwitts indeed.
yugiben 10
poor OP
devildog562 33
You need to choose smarter women my friend .
iwanttogotoparis 26
Stupid girl (your ex)
hamrtym 15
I think she knew what she was doing.
TanzWolf 26
I think the wife was rather stupid as well...
guinea_pigs 9
You could always get a blood test, although I really don't think that SHOULD be necessary, you wife should trust you. Tell your ex she's not going to sucker you into paying child support for a kid that's not yours.
Kittyphysics 21
theyre also free of charge if they come back negative. do it.
ChibiChick25 8
I mean his wife should trust him but some solid evidence (I.e. the negative paternity results) would put her mind completely at ease.
GodPart2 20
Ummm, the wife may think he's cheating and/or lying, so she isn't necessarily dim-witted.