Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Hello from the other side
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Help!
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
No time for tears
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
How could you?
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Nag nag nag
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
That's some BS
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Top comments
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
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Comments (208)
fueledbyshar 0
She's so appreciative!
SecretMe00 5
More like hormone crazy!
ALlamaOnFire 20
I think she needs to work on her self confidence...
Calyx_fml 22
And her maturity. Hormones are no excuse for that behavior. What is she, a child?
kerrwoof 13
Oh that's normal! Just wait for the delivery room.. That's when the fun begins. I remember while I was giving birth I told my boyfriend that I wanted to cause him physical pain, then slapped him a couple of times while utter some profanities. Women's inner demons come out when pregnant.
desireev 18
The only time I acted crazy like that is on the ride in the ambulance to the hospital. Which was 3 hours away, mind you. Lol I was screaming words I didn't even know existed. I never hit anyone, but I was a crazy fool! Once I got into the delivery room, I was normal. I was just ready for it to be over. My doctor told me that I was the nicest laboring woman they'd ever met! I actually apologized for getting blood on her scrubs and tried to clean it off while I was holding my son. I cried and begged for forgiveness! Lol! Aaah! Good times! Good times! :)
ZoeElizabeth 0
27- When was the last time you were pregnant? Then unless you managed to squeeze a baby out of a mangina then stop talking smack.
n_epic_fail 14
Once you see her actually giving birth, you'll thank god you're a man and only have to deal with HER hormones.
JurassicHole 5
37 - There's no use, Calyx is just another moronic douche-bag to understand the difference between a pregnant woman at work and a pregnant woman at home. He's got a stick so far up his ass, he now thinks his word is absolute. Just another pretentious asshole thinking he knows "****-all" about anything.
JurassicHole 5
93 - If you read the comments of Calyx's, you'd understand why I'm slightly peeved.
shroomboy 4
95-I think 93 does understand why you said that.
JurassicHole 5
97- Calyx made even more asinine comments than the one above. If people actually read through the thread a bit, they'd understand more so where I'm coming from. Then again, people keep thumbing me down for getting mad at a douche-bag so guess they support his opinion on pregnant women being immature because they can't control their hormones. I digress.
desireev 18
TheIsland- Where have you been, good friend?! I've missed you and your comments! Don't disappear like that!!!! :)
kateRAWR 4
NO SHES HAVING ONE IDIOT !!!!
hawkeye912 0
A depressed whale much?? (and yes i was referring to the video as well)
brenton490 19
That's gonna be a long one month left...
anarchistpunk 3
Thats a badass picture
ch3s 4
IM OLD GREGG!!!!
beckyxD 13
Just wait until she starts giving birth. She'll be screaming "I hate you! Why did you do this to Me you bastard!" haha. Don't worry. They're just empty threats (:
TheDrifter 24
I got to drive my little sister to the delivery room when she had her first because her husband was out of town. I wasn't aware she even knew some of those words... and the things she offered the anesthesiologist for an epidural... yeah, she's just pregnant and sick of it.
Jaxx66 21
2 is right. Don't take it seriously, she has so many hormones out of whack right now, she's feeling very intense emotions. It'll get better and she will be normal again. Pregnant women just need love and support. I learned this during my first pregnancy, it's hard at times to control the emotions.
thisisafunnyname 12
"Why did you do this to me bastard?". "Hey, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said noooo that would hurt too much"
Redoxx_fml 22
Him:" B-because I love you." Her: "Ahhh I'll f****** rip your d*** off for this!"
KeyboardWarrior 10
75 That's pretty kinky.
chels1994 11
When my older cousin was giving birth her husband was trying to urge her on by gently telling her that she's doing great and to keep pushing. She replied by screaming "Don't tell me what to do! I'm not a Fu***** dog!"
redredblood1 7
^Win.
beckyxD 13
Omg I laughed so hard when I read that!!!
hippyhater3000 4
who doesnt want their d*** ripped off by a hormonal pregnant lady
beefstew_54 3
alright gay...
synonymous 1
Just one more month to go!
Ashystar 1
actually 2 months if she goes full term! ur pregnant for 10 months in doctors terms even tho for the first its actually ur girly girls (yep they include ur last)
ghostlilac 25
My brain hurts...
stevenJB 25
Only one more month! And don't worry that's a little normal :/
22cute 17
I'm afraid that's true
potaytoh 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that's what you get for knocking her up m8. ;)
coried91 28
When you get pregnant I would love to hear how you react to all the hormones going through your body.
gabrielle01 0
She won't get pregnant. , look at her
deviable 9
No need to be mean 105.
ProhibitionRose 14
Does 5's comments ever get up voted? It seems like everything that comes out of her is immature or stupid, often both.
chels1994 11
I h8 when people use numbers as letters (;
Kelsarella 1
It's because she's 14.
btstig 11
Someone could make a nice photoshop of #5 with a "bird".
potaytoh 0
HAHA oh you guys! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
a1f0sff 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Jeez, insecure much?
stevenJB 25
Womens minds go a bunch of ways when they are. she's not insecure. If you've ever seen a pregnant woman you would know
bettyboop428 24
Asshole much? I would love to see how men handle pregnancy.
Calyx_fml 22
Bullshit. I have worked with many pregnant women in a professional capacity right up until they were ready to drop. They were all mature and professional. ALL OF THEM. Of the dozens (yes dozens) of pregnant coworkers I've enjoyed working with over the years none were bitchy or unreasonable. None. If pregnant women can control themselves and be respectful in a professional environment then they can do so in a home environment. There is no excuse but immaturity. Hormones don't absolve responsibility for behavior. OP, YDI for allowing her to bully you and for impregnating someone so insecure and immature.
Awsumuzzie 12
32, I'm sorry, but you're a mumbling moron. Being in a PROFESSIONAL enviroment and being in at HOME are two different locations. She could get fired for acting like that. But it's her husband, and she finds closure with him. She doesn't choose to let her hormones run her over. If she doesn't let loose with her husband, who can she do it to? I bet your coworkers did the same as her at home. Regardless, she shouldn't have gone to his work to make a scene. All people will do is look at her tummy and understand. /end rant
sonuskos 6
Uhm 32 I'm sure theres tons of people that bitch about their coworkers while they're at home. Now imagine a pregnant lady coming home. Yea... Not gona be the most positive person.
JurassicHole 5
Calyx, as a couple have stated already, I'd like to point out that you are a "professional douche-bag". No ******* shit pregnant women won't freak out on the job, but lets think for a minute (something you obviously don't exercise). She's preggo, she's been working all day, dealing with work and ass hats like you, and now she's home. All that tension is going to be unleashed upon her husband when she gets back home. It's not immature it's natural, dip-shit. Get off your high-horse of bullshit and think before you speak. People like you sicken me with how hatefully moronic you can be.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Here, let me try and even out this argument in the most unbiased way I can. Pregnant women ARE capable of controlling when they lash out, but they CHOOSE to do it to someone who most likely won't strike back, or someone they know, knows what they are going through. In which case is usually the husband. An understanding husband will most likely come to the conclusion that she's just blowing off steam and doesn't really mean what she says. That said, it's probably not easy to control raging hormones, but it is doable. It just requires a lot of self control. Now I don't particularly agree with the lashing out at husbands, but as I said, an understanding husband will know that she's just blowing off steam, which is probably needed after bottling up so much thought the day. I am in no way trying to make pregnancy sound easy. I'm a guy, so I don't know. Just saying it IS possible to control the emotions, no matter how hard it may seem.
thiscrazything 1
Don't hate on calex, those points are valid. Pregnancy is no excuse for going to your husbands workplace, and acting like a complete asshole. She obviously has some issues that need to be addressed, that pregnancy may have amplified.
MissHayleyJames 7
Oh come on. When men get home they bitch about work and their day just like women. For women, if you add 20,000 crazy pregnancy hormones on top of the usual "my day sucked, I hate my boss" bitching of course she's going to seem like she's crazy. If my husband and I were switched and he was working where he does now and got pregnant it would be the same damn thing. He bitches about his boss and his job when he comes home from work now and if he had pregnancy hormones it would be like a tornado. Welcome to life and marriage.
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Looks like she was clearing off your desk for hot make-up sex after you apologize for not calling in a timely manner. Give it to her doggie-style and try not to hit the baby ;)
stevenJB 25
I would prefer doggy style...I have a little phobia that a chestburster would burst out of her and atk me if she's on her back !O_O!
MizzErikaHart 8
Ok..?
stevenJB 25
Hehe. People can never stop being serious about things can they? Sadness
tellithowitis 13
No, it's just your comment made absolutely no sense.
RedPillSucks 33
Dimple headed babies are cool. They're more aerodynamic .
kiki122012 5
It's okay, if it's doggie style there's no way you could hit the baby. =)
Alfie42 0
You're a badass. :L
neuf77 1
I swear you have the bitchiest replys ive ever read... Do you ever have anything positive too say??? If not STFU
perdix 31
I'm positive that the plural of "reply" is "replies," "I've" should have an apostrophe and a capital I, and "to" is the version of to/too/two that indicates an infinitive. There are three positive things -- that makes me a friggin' Pollyanna, doesn't it?
redredblood1 7
7, That's got to be one of the most messed up things I've ever heard XD I commend you
suncifir 6
The hormones! There in my eyeeesss
Dimence 9
ITS OVER 9000!
myoukei 31
dear male population. I'm sorry that people of my gender are more hormonal than you. but seriously, fyl. I hope that that was simply the hormones talking and that deep down she knows you care.
77777771 12
Obviously it was the hormones...
Honda288 2
very, very deep down.
ninjafury101 2
Do the same to her, but say: YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE BECAUSE I'M A SKINNY TOOTHPICK!
ClassyCommando 13
And she will reply "YOUR DICK IS A SKINNY TOOTHPICK!!!! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET ME PREGNANT?!!!"
JurassicHole 5
13 - Ya, mess with your pregnant wife, doesn't sound like being an asshole at all. /sarcasm
madelinebriana 11
91- yeah, because joking around with your wife is a crime!