Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She's been telling everyone I'm the baby's father. My current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML
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Top comments
Lizardgirl 7
I can't help but feel bad for OP's wife too. The poor woman must be full of hormones and is probably on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
BeccaHugs 17
I sympathize with her: dogs that bark for hours on end are incredibly annoying and frustrating. But think of it this way: if your wife had not called you, eventually your neighbours would have.
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Comments (136)
Original_Outcast 23
Damn dogs, they're planning everyone's death along with cats!
GRgoldfish 19
I only agree to this statement because I HATE dogs that never stop barking!
TrueTriage 16
Chihuahuas.... Straight from hell to annoy us
chanellgymnast 17
What an emergency.......
MuseFan1991 14
from what i understand of pregnancy, the hormones often throw your perspective out of whack so it would have seemed more urgent to OP's wife. also, dogs barking constantly is one of the most annoying noises ever
Harpy20 24
She might've been sleep deprived because of it too. Pregnancy is exhausting.
TomPusslicker 21
As a male, I've never been pregnant but i can imagine that to her, in that moment, it truly was an emergency...dont blame her for this. Without enough info, im left to speculate. Maybe the dogs were hungry or needed to be let out. Obviously OP is a good guy to go rushing home, but if they dont even own dogs, i can see the frustration. OP, it is what it is...a pregnancy, just be supportive and you two will enjoy a happy life with your wife and child/children.
nyu2jh 4
****** dogs!
stevothedevo 25
Beastity killed the dog.. And the cat
weveevee 3
And the dog might get pregnant too, and where would he be then?
Dodge4x4Ram 46
give the dog a bone
lambda_fml 40
hah hah hah.
klovemachine 24
This old man came rolling home :D
olpally 33
Bitches be crazy...
olpally 33
The wife is female, they have dogs. Trying to make a joke... Thanks buzz killington.
rg350dx 29
Do you know why W.S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his trans-Atlantic crossings?.. Because he was quartered on the PORT side. *snobby chuckles*
stevothedevo 25
The wife wasn't the topic of the fml..
olpally 33
#70, yes it was about his wife, it says it in the first sentence, "my pregnant wife" learn to read.
Sekkaichi 12
@20 Learn to take a joke. |:
olpally 33
It wasn't that good of a joke to me. Sorry.
TomPusslicker 21
Olpally, your profile is quite accurate it looks like. Could easily be summarized to 'single digit IQ'."Usually my comments get thumbed down or thumbed up based on the comment"...Thats brilliant.
BeccaHugs 17
I sympathize with her: dogs that bark for hours on end are incredibly annoying and frustrating. But think of it this way: if your wife had not called you, eventually your neighbours would have.
sabrinaacrow 26
No one wants to put up with that, especially if you're pregnant
natsaysheyyy 16
As annoying as that may be, it is 100% the owner's fault for yappy dogs. So, at least one of the two is at fault for not training those dogs.
NeinKittenz 20
#69 I trained my dogs, they still bark. It gets annoying but they are god damn dogs, it's not like they go "hey let's go **** with our owners mental stability"
icecreamdriveby 5
#69 it isn't the owners fault actually. Well, not all the time. My dog barks at absolutely everything, we've had trainers, kept her inside, had bark collars (the ones that spray a jet of water on their face) And we've even had to have her voice box removed twice because it was either that, or the council would seize her and she STILL barks (coughs since she has no voice). I don't see how that's our fault.
Ins0mau 20
114 - How does one remove a dog's voice box twice?
implastikz 7
maybe another voice box popped out of nowhere
PinkGirl246 8
Um dogs will bark if they want... It's not really the owners fault..
Shawnie Gallant 24
Hello I’m a dog trainer! It absolutely can be stopped, it’s all about consistency. “Jet spraying” bark collars are incredibly inhumane and spray a smelly mix into the face, you’d have been better off using ANY other type of bark collar. How did you remove the voice box twice?? I like this stream of owners who cannot control their dogs, it gives me something to laugh at. Try a speak and shush command so you CAN control when it’s appropriate to bark.
RoseBlack123 37
Well when they bark too much it DOES become a pain... but still, not an emergency so FYL but FHL too
Lizardgirl 7
I can't help but feel bad for OP's wife too. The poor woman must be full of hormones and is probably on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
MrConcise 35
We need a new amusement park ride to compare journeys to. Personally, my life is closer to an emotional waterslide. Lots of twists and turns, maybe a few bumps up, but you'll always end up going back down even further.
JenkJenks 6
Mine is like a theme park wave pool. You float up and down for a long time and then it hits you... everything is just filled with piss.
amDes 11
My life is like a water slide too, but its because I always go down and end up wet ;)
Lizardgirl 7
My life is like a tilt-a-whirl: I like it rough, my hair's always a mess afterwards, and boy am I a screamer xD Jk
Lizardgirl 7
actually my life's more like a ferris wheel: boring and uneventful (I meant to include this in my last comnent but unfortunately I was in a rush as I was getting an infected surgical incision checked out while typing my last post.)
AngelSpit 18
My life would be like one of those coal mountain rides, you know the ones; most of the time you're in the dark and jostled about endlessly, when you do get something to see you we're better off in the dark and when it's over you're left wondering why the **** its in a place called an "amusement" park
DrumMajor 5
My life is like a parallel line because nobody touches me ever.
AngelSpit 18
*pokes 115*
great1_23 4
I'm sorry but If your wife that is currently in Carrying your child Especially in tears you should handle even the slightest requests with out whining on the Internet about it...
Inna0 2
And why would he handle the slightest requests? She should handle her frekaing hormones. He should be helpful and supportive, but he doesn't need to serve her like she's royalty. People get knocked up every day, it's not a miracle. Do you think that your grandmothers had their every request handled just because they were pregnant? Nope. And yet there you are. So clearly , there's no need for handling every request. Only what really needs to be done.
lndala 15
It is quite a miracle to some. Especially if they've been trying for quite a while.
MissMess 12
Yes, and my grandmother was also of the generation that smoked and drank all the way through pregnancy, should I behave that way too? These days it's more understood that emotional health is significantly important during pregnancy. While I agree this might not have been an emergency pager situation, pregnant bitches are crazy. As the mother of two kids I can verify this fact! With hindsight she will probably be mortified and it'll become a funny family tale.
iloveshannon15 6
#52- **** off you illiterate douch. It is a miracle, she's carrying a human being inside of her. Uhm the miracle of life dumbass. And lol why don't you ask your mom if she could "handle" her emotions/ hormones during her pregnancy with you. You try being a women and carrying a living being inside you for 9 ******* months. Pregnancy hormones cant just be "handled" they just happen and there's nothing the woman can do about it. Honeslty **** off and burn. You obviously don't respect the fact that women are naturally stronger than men, you try popping out a baby from your ******. People like you Make me sick.
tj5810 21
Wow 52, someone is bitter.
klovemachine 24
no, 127, just no no NO
ExtremeEncounter 32
Just because there's a human being in her doesn't make it a "miracle", that is subjective.
Connect 10
I thought pregnant women were allowed to be a little more crazy than usual. Yes, I said "more than usual".
Lizardgirl 7
How about YOU had to carry a several pound miniature human in your abdomen for nine months before pushing it out of your clown hole before you make some lame sexist joke. It's not as easy as it sounds.
Lizardgirl 7
Omit "had to". My apologies.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
16- Actually, you said 'more crazy than'. Which should be 'crazier than'. And you didn't really have to point it out, but thank you.