Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, I told a coworker I loved her cute baby bump, and asked when 'the little guy' was due. She glared at me and said, “I had the baby two months ago. You saw him a month ago, here, in this office.” FML
Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Rico_Mal1116 0
Go with the flow all ways works.
tehspy1337 0
Next time say "it's yours"
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Comments (203)
Rico_Mal1116 0
Go with the flow all ways works.
bengalsbaby13 0
Haaaaa way to play it cool hahaha sorry about your tummy though :(
ifmlftw 0
if she was pregnant she wouldn't have gotten her flow. :P
bubble25_fml 5
5- unless of course she's Mexican.
robbilee 14
go hit the gym. if that's not an option learn to not be so embarressed
adropofpeace 8
And a beautiful food baby it shall be! Silly person... You know what happens when you assume...
silversti 0
haha that would be pretty awkward, but seriously it's ones fault if they are fat, either don't give a **** or do something about it...fat girls need love too, just not from me. well maybe if I'm wasted...
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
35- ok we dont need to hear bout your drunk fat people orgy. "there's enough rolls for everyone!" its like a damn keiser factory under those sheets
Jacobt24 19
Well played OP. Well played. And would you rather her think you're fat definitely or just think that your pregnant?
CookieM_fml 4
Gotta Cut Down On The Penis OP.
otb113 7
Well spit on me and call me Sally. No annoying little grammar Nazis corrected this poor kid. Good for him.
babynurse11 0
just go with it like Adam Sandler did
silversti 0
no it's usually I'm too drunk to notice the fat, im sure we all have done a fat girl drunk before, and swore the next day that you had a 3some last night with 2 slim twins...
juicedboi 7
Have you already named your imaginary baby? You need an in depth alibi to go with your tummy. More details, more believable!
chuckychan 8
And then the cookie monster was born
chuckychan 8
Whenyou feel it kick do you take tums?
GoodLookingGeese 10
I did this once - I congratulated someone that wasn't pregnant, erghh - pretty embarasing.
wolflover44 5
Some people have diseases that make them fat. It's pretty embarrassing. A close friend of the family was over 300 pounds, due to a disease. No matter what she couldn't lose the weight. So maybe OP was like her...
VeganVampyre 27
Just for you, 53: 1- "Going with the flow always works." and 47- don't capitalize every word in a sentence, it makes you look stupid.
SteveTheJanitor 6
Think of it this way; you did this great thing, well not great thong bit anyway, and now that person won't be embarrassed and apologetic and even more embarrassed than you'd be for mistaking you for a pregnant lady.
mwjessica 0
For the people who say, "Just lose weight!" it's not that simple. Many overweight people suffer from an eating disorder or a deep rooted psychological issue, with extra weight being a symptom. So please, keep your "do something about it" comments to yourself.
bengalsbaby13 0
87- For some reason I feel like your name "vegan-vampire" just doesn't work... O.o
flippityfloop 0
99 - Ten bucks says you're overweight and trying to justify it. Hun, it IS that simple to lose weight. Count calories, don't over-eat.
Lilikoi 0
No, it's not always simple to lose weight. Although many people can be large because they eat a lot or are lazy, that's not always the case. It's just plain rude and ignorant to generalize people with weight problems.
ReynshineCutting 10
You can count fat and calories and exercise until you're blue in the face and it still doesn't work for everyone. I was eating 1300 calories a day (lots of veggies, protein, everything was balanced) and working out several times a week. I lost 25 lbs and then no matter what I did I couldn't lose any more. For 5 months I didn't drop a single pound after I lost the first 25. Until you know what it's like to try to lose weight, stfu.
horserider15 3
is makes an ass our of you and me :)!!!!!!!!
tehspy1337 0
Next time say "it's yours"
Dr_Jalepenos 0
u know that felt good
omgcookeys 15
What if it was a woman who asked?
12em12 1
No, next time say "It's yours you dick!!!" Then slap him/her, and run away crying.
aceingit 0
Christmas baby?
howtobe351 0
Omg thats something i'd doo xD
preston55 7
.
Classic_PWN 1
This comment will be thumbed down alot!!!!!!
SpicyDuck 22
Haha you must have had it thought out to come back that quickly and probably accurately.
detective_oreo 0
Vancouver...nice!!
silversti 0
damn your cute, I'm talking about the girl....
cbaidchris 6
what he meant to say is damn girl we live in the same area can I have yo numba? can I have it??? too bad you dont have an up do
SpicyDuck 22
Haha sorry son, not happening. I'm older than I look XD and I'm no cougar.
No_habla_espanol 11
That wasn't really hard to think of that response. You'll learn, young one. ;)
LexxyLiime 0
Uh, "young one"? Her profile says she was born in 1992 and yours says 1993. You're younger than her.
SpicyDuck 22
Hahaha fail. Haters gonna hate.
SpicyDuck 22
And I only say that cause I had a friend have the same thing happen and she didn't quote go with the flow.
ympeter 0
tell them your not preggo. let them wallow in their mistake
armorf0r 7
that is possibly on of the most awkward situations ever
lalala2589 0
This is the rule if thumb I use. Never ask someone if they're pregnant unless they are extremely in shape and happen to have a very large, round, solid stomach. Key word solid, not someone who has fat bouncing around when they walk. They have to look unmistakably pregnant before you make assumptions.
CantusVulpis 12
raider27 7
Don't let it bother you, just go with the flow and find happiness whenever possible
sleepistheenemy 8
you should have said you are having twins
LaughterofCorn 4
You should've said, "I'm not fat!" and flown off into the sunset.
slushpup9696 12
*rolled off into the sunset
the_gabe254 0
Douche. lol
omgcookeys 15
Sunsets make almost everything better :)
Mlikescatz 6
Really? Now we fly off into the sunset?
zacharytk72 5
Well... you said it...
BIEBERSLAYER 10
So whats gonna happen when you see that person in December?
Bravo11 14
Abort.
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Say she had a miscarriage, as morbid as that is
genesisnirvana 11
Or if the person asks OP should just take off running
touch_the_sky 7
I assumed it was a random stranger. If it was someone she knew they'd probably already know she was fat.
thepatty8474 10
I love ur nameee!!! And she would prob say, IVE NEVER SEEN U B4!! AND IM NOT FATTT
lilahhgee 0
121- your not funny -___-
kenyrabit 25
The internet is full of baby pictures...just saying.
doom2 8
maybe take it as a hint?
ThatSoAmaZingDee 0
Thank You! if your fat do something about it!!!
Gourmet_Taco 0
28- big girls need just as big hints lol
SpicyDuck 22
58, big guys don't?
mwjessica 0
33 - It's usually not that simple. Many overweight people suffer from either an eating disorder or have deep rooted psychological issues, causing them over-eat.
iChel413 6
Pushing away from the table can be hard! Once you start though it gets easier. It takes a lot of self control.
ACandelaria_209 1
That was really rude! People have this stereotype about how people should look/weigh and it's sickening. 'take it as a hint'? Really?? Grow up.
AriadneBelle 3
If someone has an eating disorder or deep rooted psychological issues that causes them to overeat to the point of obesity, they should be getting help for that, don't you think? I think of obesity (not being overweight, but actually obese) as very similar to heart disease or cancer - it can come from many different factors, and it's not necessarily the person's fault that they have it, but it is a serious health issue. This isn't just some, "They don't fit our stereotype, so we should pick on them!" situation. Obesity is a life threatening disease, the symptoms of which kill millions of people each year. I would say, "Do something about it" is valuable advice.
boobygirl 8
I think that's rude and just a tad bitchy. the person above me is right it's not that easy
lalala2589 0
133 - They aren't saying you have to be a rail, but dear god, if you look pregnant when you're not, do SOMETHING about it. That's not healthy or attractive at all. Take some pride in you body/health, it's the only one you've got.
jenskibunny 4
tired of people blaming it on medications and what not, get on a ******* treadmill. stfu.
annabe11e 0
Being overweight is not respecting your body and accepting it is even worst... That's why fat is not associated with beauty, it's just not healthy in any way and by the way, people who actually suffers from gland disorder are only 5% of fat people!