Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (85)
tattoo88 4
Damn take a shower nasty ass bastard!!
MuseFan1991 14
considering bacne is a valid reason to not massage someone, i think you were perfectly within your rights to refuse to massage that area OP. acky
annagilbert 6
as a massage therapist myself, you can tell em **** you get off my table. lol
alycion 39
Ick. Not that shit stains on my back is something I have going wrong, but before most doctor appts and before massage and acupuncture appts, I take a shower. Just seems like a common courtesy.
xalba 9
Your puppy is so adorable :D
awkward_gothlady 32
Does he really have that little self-respect? If, by some bizarre twist of fate, there was shit all over my back and I was completely unaware of it until the person about to massage me pointed it out to me, I'd be the most embarrassed, apologetic person you'd ever heard of and get my sorry ass out of the spa and into the comfort of my shower.
Sanrio90 8
I would have refused service to this pig who clearly never learned how to wipe his own ass. Suggest him some potty training DVDs and send him on his way.
NorthernGrizzMN 0
I would tell captain skid mark to get off my table
Michelley44 5
After you massage his low-back, promptly turn him around to massage his face. If he's okay with it being all over your hands, he should be fine with it being all over his face.
Special_Psycho 8
True that! I plan on being a massage therapist as an adult and I gotta say, I'm glad I know what things I might be getting into.
Alastrina_fml 20
That is DISGUSTING!!!! I hope you refused him service AND had him banned!!
MoonChild5 11
...That is so nasty. I would have puked on him if I saw that.