Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
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Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
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Comments (85)
ballpython 15
You should have played along and let him know that you were going to work your way up his back and give him the best scalp massage he has ever had.
DivineSunshine 1
I hope you refused.
ewang_ 12
Should've just done your job properly and given him a happy ending instead
8IamChris8 4
Hahahahaha that's so funny!!
RubenTheGreek 8
Wow, what an asswipe.
CptZoe 10
Not so much.
Sansa_Kroma 20
How does that even happen? Lol x)
pennies_lane 6
Someone clearly needs lessons on how to wipe his arse properly!!! The average 4 year old should be able to teach him.
marramrammar 2
That is nasty as shat!
titsnotcalm 4
This is so unreasonably hilarious LOL
skyeyez9 25
Cause If I had a nasty dump that splashed shit all over my ass and back, the first thing I think of is "Hey, now is a good time to immediately head straight to the spa and get a massage, showers can wait." Maybe, he has some sort of freak shit fetish that he tried to force onto you. I would have immediately stopped the session, notify my boss to come over to see his shitty back for proof. Then kick his nasty ass out.