Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
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Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
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Comments (85)
zandalee 20
I can't even imagine how this guy got shit stains all the way up there. Disgusting. I hope you told him to take a hike.
KiddNYC1O 22
Insane wiping!
nuffsaidboutthat 4
Damn I've been doing it backwards all this time then!!!
MsConfusedd 27
Excuse me while i throw up #o#
Bree12345 15
Why not just get a wet towel and wipe him? Problem solved.
SkoomaKi 28
I don't think wiping shit off someone's ass and back is in the job description.
Missusluv313 9
So you would've wiped his ass? Wow...
jamza 10
OP needs a fire hose not a wet towel. Ppl need to learn how to wipe their own ass properly
delilah09 6
#15 you'd probably sleep with him too right? Just wipe the poop away and he's good as new. You're disgusting and obviously don't know much about hygiene and diseases found in feces (poop).
pennies_lane 6
You're kidding, right? How's about no, because he's a grown man and should be wiping his own arse!
theluckyones 10
That's disgusting. My sister is a massage therapist and she makes sure all of her clients shower before they come in. If they haven't, she tells them to leave and come back when they have showered. People are so nasty sometimes.
JustKittyKat 24
"No... No..." -Conzuela
jjacci 12
That is the most disgusting thing ever!
Enslaved 38
Oh hell no! I hope your job allows you to refuse service. That's pretty damn gross.
Lionesse 15
Some people can be gross. Sorry OP. I hope you found a way out of it or if you did have to go through with it, wash your hands thoroughly afterward :/
Andrew910 5
Does he shit upwards?
skyeyez9 25
Must have been a nasty power dump that splashed shit upwards and all over his back. O.O One would assume if you done that, you'd shower immediately after....not head to a massage parlor.
ChaoticBacon 6
I've heard some species of weirdos shit upside-down.
Missusluv313 9
I would have refused to service him. And if my boss told me I had to, I would've told him/her to do that shit. That's disgusting and there is no excuse for his hygiene to be that bad. I actually got nauseous reading this. Yuck!
siberianhamster 17
Did you mean nauseated?
FalconWhitaker 20
Strictly speaking, yes, "nauseated" means "to feel nausea" and "nauseous" means "to cause nausea". However, using "nauseous" to mean "to feel nausea" has now become very commonplace to the point where the distinction is barely acknowledged any more and it has been acceptable parlance, so I'm gonna cut that commenter some slack.
vbmg152 19
Who's artwork on your pic?
ScarletBloom 14
You need to learn how to retaliate and teach them to clear their own shit and not let others to.