Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML
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Top comments
mandyk5918 12
That's sooo gross!!!!
TayrawrTMD 7
Sounds like a shit job
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Comments (85)
mayyberry 4
Oh wow I'm surprised he didn't find that embarrassing and actually told you to carry on
BellaBelle_fml 23
He probably was embarrassed but pretended not to be and carried on like nothing was out of the ordinary. It doesn't make much sense t me to do that, but it is a form of coping mechanism to some. But in this shituation I'm leaning more to the side of him simply being disgusting and disrespectful to the masseuse an everyone else around him.
BlowinChronic 18
That sounds like a really bad practical joke that someone might play just to see what you would do about it...
Epikouros 32
Yep, just lick it up, it'll probably be chocolate.
neroid 4
People can be disgusting
DocBastard 40
Ah, you've reminded me that "shitstain" is one of my favourite insults. I'll definitely have to remember to use it this week. Thanks!
delilah09 6
Hey Doc! Love your blog!!!
ManInTheMachine 20
^You know there's a PM system, right? I'm sure he appreciates the feedback, but don't do it under an FML
jamza 10
Does he take a shit upside down or does he think his ass crack extends half way up his back when he wipes.
greeneyebeauty9 28
there has to be some policy to help you get out if this? because that's just disgusting.
soad2014 7
What the...? Ewww. How can anyone live like that?
minagiv 11
I would have refused to do it! That's so unsanitary. I'm not sure what your rights are up there, but down here in MA, we can stop a massage for any reason and refuse a client.
Kathts7 12
If you're a private massage therapist you should just send him away. If not, talk to your employé
mrslewis 16
Thats disgusting i wouldve told him to go take a shower or im not touching him yuck!!!